


Minefields

by arianapeterson19



Series: Avengers Shorts [8]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Violence, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Insecure Tony, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Steve, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 34,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4984747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arianapeterson19/pseuds/arianapeterson19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in an abusive relationship was a bit like needing glasses. He didn't realize it until the damage was done.</p><p>Funny how people assume only men can be abusive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleepless

Larger than life was one of the more frequent terms used to describe him but most of the world would be shocked to discover that the majority of the time, Tony felt much smaller than he was. And it had very little to do with physical size. He knew he was on the shorter side physically but he also knew that the rest of him just didn’t match up to the strength of character or emotional depth that others held. Simply put, he wasn’t enough and he knew it.

Maybe that’s why he had stayed even after he realized what was happening. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had never had anyone proud of him until Pepper. Or maybe it was because he knew that if it ended, she would end up happily married to someone else and he would end up alone until the day he died and then he would be buried alone and spend eternity alone. But whatever the reason, he had promised himself when he entered the relationship that he would do his best to be better for her. And he had.

But it still wasn’t enough.

He didn’t realize what was happening at first. It was so much easier to stand on the outside and talk about how people should have seen the signs, should have gotten out before it got bad, but on the inside it was like needing glasses for the first time. The change was gradual, slow, and it wasn’t until the end when he was out that he could clearly see just how far it had gotten.

Pepper loved meetings. Tony loved that she loved them because it meant that he didn’t have to go to as many and didn’t have to feel guilty about it. And when the meetings took her to other cities, states, countries, well that was normal.

What wasn’t normal was when she insisted he be waiting for her call while she was gone. And when he waited, he should be alone. Oh, he could work on his projects, that was fine, but he could not have company. When he asked why she said that she wanted his full attention, some alone time with him even when they were apart. It seemed reasonable, so Tony agreed without complaint. After all, that was a small price to pay for the woman he loved.

Then she started talking down to him.

Tony was a genius – there were test scores to prove it – but the many grades he skipped caught up to him socially and when it came to people, he was painfully out of his depth most of the time. So when Pepper started talking down to him, explaining how their relationship worked in small words and impatient tones like one would to a child, Tony didn’t notice. She made excellent points; he was being needy when he asked her to dinner and she stood him up because of an important business call. He wasn’t good at relationships so he should defer to her. He was unintentionally obtuse when it came to emotions so him being constantly in trouble and getting read the riot act by her was reasonable.

Then she got a bit physical.

It wasn’t much. Sometimes she just wouldn’t take no for an answer when he came in after an inventing binge and just wanted to sleep. Her playful hits became less playful. He was a super hero, a man, he had handled much worse. She rarely even left bruises, not ones that took more than a week or two to heal.

Then there was the cheating.

Tony only knew about that part because it was with Happy and Happy wasn’t good at hiding things from Tony. When Tony brought it up with her, it was the worst night in their relationship. Everything seemed to come to a head and by the end, Tony curled up in his workshop with ice and his robots and wished for something to get better.

The next day, Pepper had come down to his shop and punched him for the tabloids printing that he was cheating on her. They both knew it was her but he let it happen because some part of him knew he deserved it and still wanted her to be happy. He truly loved Pepper. So he let her punch him in the face and let her go.

By the time the others figured out what was going on, it was over.

Natasha questioned her worth as a spy if she hadn’t even noticed the subtle changes in Tony’s behavior over the months she lived in the Tower with him. Clint felt bad that he hadn’t noticed sooner but vowed to rectify that in the future, scanning every person who so much as looked at Tony that way. Steve and Bucky didn’t know what exactly to do; they had a hard time believing that Pepper could do something like that. Bruce retreated further into himself, taking the news as confirmation that people would only hurt him in the end.

That was three months ago.

“Sir, your team asked me to remind you that movie night starts in the common room in five minutes,” said JARVIS, interrupting Tony’s music to convey the message.

“Sure,” said Tony, distracted as he continued to rework the wiring on the left gantlet of his suit.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door.

“Hey Tony?” called Steve, sticking his head through the door with a smile. “You coming to movie night? It started five minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry,” said Tony, looking up, fear flashing across his face before it was replaced by his cocky mask. “Got caught up, genius at work and all that.”

“No worries,” said Steve easily. “We figured that would happen so we don’t start movie night until at least a half hour after we tell you it starts. So, you about finished?”

“Yeah, just wrapping up,” said Tony, putting aside his tools and making his way to the door.

When the two entered the common area, Steve steered Tony to the center couch, the one Bucky was already on. The billionaire didn’t protest, only grabbed the throw blanket from the arm of the couch and wrapped himself up in it. Steve retrieved the popcorn from the kitchen and sat on the other side of Tony before JARVIS dimmed the lights and started the movie.

Halfway through the movie, Natasha glanced at the couch, doing her usual scan of the room, and noticed that Tony had curled up and fallen asleep, his head resting on Bucky’s lap and feet in Steve’s. Neither super soldier seemed the least bit bothered by the closeness so Natasha took it as a win for Tony, who had been avoiding prolonged contact with anyone for almost a year.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other as the movie neared an end, having a silent conversation about what to do with their sleeping genius. The two super soldiers had been in a relationship since Bucky had returned, well before Tony and Pepper broke up and typically sat together during movie night, only allowing Tony to join them when they knew the billionaire had not been sleeping; everyone else had to fend for themselves.

“Your turn to carry him to bed,” whispered Steve.

“It was my turn last time,” whined Bucky softly, his hand still running through the soft brown locks resting on his lap.

Before Steve could respond, Tony tensed up, left hand twitching in Bucky’s loose sweat pants, right yanking at his own hair.

“I’m sorry, I swear,” whimpered Tony, curling into himself. “I’ll do better. Please. Stop!”

“Sh, you’re okay,” said Bucky, leaning over and putting his mouth to his ear in hopes of lulling Tony into a deeper sleep, knowing that if the genius woke up now he would never go back to sleep. “It’s over. I promise, Steve and I won’t let something like that happen again. You’re safe. Go back to sleep.”

Slowly, Tony drifted into a deeper sleep and relaxed.

“Okay,” sighed Bucky. “Sleepover it is.”

Clint left and returned shortly with a mound of blankets, handing them out so they could hunker down for the night. Everyone of them had nightmares but over the past three months, Tony’s had become more violent and frequent. Whenever they managed to lull him to sleep under the guise of movies or bonding time, they all joined him for sleep so when he woke up he wouldn’t be alone or feel embarrassed. Natasha curled up under her favorite blue blanket on the armchair, Bruce on the ground next to it. Clint sprawled across the floor under the window. Bucky shifted so Tony was laying more comfortably on his chest so he could stretch out on the couch as well. Steve settled on top of their feet, head resting on the other armrest. It wasn’t perfect, it was actually uncomfortable and each of them would have preferred sleeping in their own bed, but after they had failed Tony for so long, they allowed their own comfort to be set aside in order to give Tony a little piece of mind.


	2. Shattered

_Tony’s favorite color was purple. Many people thought it was red or gold or black, but they were wrong. It was purple. He liked to wear purple as often as possible, which normally meant he had on purple boxers or socks if he could get away with it._

_Pepper hated the color purple._

_“Tony, really, I wish you would dress more like a proper adult and not some child,” sighed Pepper when she caught sight of his violet socks. “It’s so unprofessional.”_

_“I’m working in the shop,” replied Tony over his shoulder as he messed with some holograms. “Really, you should just be pleased I’m not barefoot.”_

_Pepper rolled her eyes and threw out a stack of cards on Tony’s desk in the corner, the one far enough away from everything that it held no risk of ever catching fire._

_“Hey, I haven’t finished with those!” said Tony, rushing over to dig the cards out of the trash bin._

_“They’re just children’s cards,” said Pepper._

_“I know, I still have eight more to reply to!”_

_“Oh, so you’ll respond to children but not to my emails?”_

_Tony paused. So that’s what this fit was about._

_“I have replied to your emails,” said Tony carefully, not meeting her eyes because he knew what he would see there – how wanting she saw him._

_“No, you’ve had JARVIS reply to my emails,” snapped Pepper. “You’ve been hiding from me for months like the coward you are. You can’t even reply to a damn email, how on earth can the rest of the world rely on you to save it?”_

_“No, I swear, I’ve replied to every email you’ve sent me!” said Tony, taking half a step back. “JARVIS, tell her!”_

_“Sir, if I may,” began JARVIS, his tone bordering on panicked, if an AI’s tone could have emotions._

_“No you may not,” said Pepper fiercely._

_“You don’t get to tell him what to do!”_

_“Excuse me?” said Pepper, her voice dropping to that impatient, parental tone he hated so much. “I’m sorry, I could have sworn you just told me not to do something. Tony, what have we said about you trying to boss me around?”_

_Tony froze, shoulders hunching in a protective gesture._

_“Tony,” prompted Pepper._

_“I may be a genius is mechanics but I’m the dumbest person out there when it comes to relationships.”_

_“That’s right, which means you don’t get to give me orders, do you? I tell you how this works and you follow directions. That’s why we’re still together because if I left it up to you, you would have screwed up a long time ago.”_

_Tony nodded. She wasn’t wrong. The only reason this relationship worked was because she was so good at it and picked up his slack all the time. He really didn’t deserve her._

_“Tony, are you even listening to me?” said Pepper, exasperation evident in her voice._

_“I’m sorry,” said Tony, darting his eyes towards her before retracting them again. “What did you say?”_

_“Honestly you can be so stupid,” sighed Pepper, shaking her red hair. “Look, I am going to be finishing up with my work early tonight, so be in our bedroom before I get back.”_

_“I can’t,” said Tony quickly. “I have to finish with these arrows and the new prototype for SI tonight, I’m not going to be done for hours.”_

_He tried to tell himself that work was the reason he didn’t want to go to bed, that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to have sex with his girlfriend because she was too rough. He loved her and so what if she had ignored his safeword a few times? So what if she wouldn’t stop pushing for it and then just took it when he still said no? They weren’t together that often what with all their business meetings. It wasn’t a big deal._

_“This won’t take all night,” scoffed Pepper. “Just have JARVIS run your silly little projects and come back when we’re done.”_

_Tony sighed in defeat._

_“Good boy,” said Pepper with a smile before marching back out of the room._

 

With a gasp, Tony woke from the memory-dream, shaking and blinking into the darkness. Someone was holding him, someone warm and large and safe.

 

“Go back to sleep,” muttered Bucky, his breath ruffled the hair on top of Tony’s head, answering the question of who was holding him.

 

“Can’t,” said Tony, a bit frantically, not fully awake. “Gotta meet Pepper. She’s going to be so mad.”

 

“No,” said Bucky, settled his arms more firmly around Tony’s waist and back, keeping the billionaire pinned to his body. “She’s not a part of your life now.”

 

“Oh,” said Tony, the memory of the past three months flooding back into his mind as he woke up a bit more. “Right. She left.”

 

Bucky hummed in agreement and pulled the fallen blanket back up over their bodies. Tony didn’t protest and was quiet for so long that Bucky almost thought he had gone back to sleep. But then he spoke.

 

“I really fucked up, didn’t I?” said Tony softly.

 

“No, you didn’t,” sighed Bucky. “This was all her. She was a bitch.”

 

“All I have to do was follow her lead,” whispered Tony. “And then everything would have been fine. I can’t even blame her, I’m impossible, I know.”

 

“Go back to sleep,” said Bucky. “Nothing seems as bad in the morning.”

 

The super soldier began humming a long forgotten song, the deep rumbling in his chest lulling the genius back to sleep. Bucky couldn’t help thinking as he listened to the warm bundle in his arms breathing even out, that he could understand where Tony was coming from. It you’re told often enough that you’re a horrible person who only deserves bad things then you start to believe it. And because he was too wrapped up in trying to settle in to this new time and his relationship with Steve, Bucky had allowed one of his best friends to be shattered by one they loved. And Tony was his best friend, he was the only one who had never feared him, always treated him like a human being and not someone who would kill them all in their sleep if they said the wrong thing. And he had failed him.

 

So much for being a super soldier,” thought Bucky bitterly.


	3. Even if We're the Only Ones Dancing

Contrary to popular belief, Tony did not hate galas – for the most part. He enjoyed watching the people, liked talking to others, and even enjoyed dancing. Dancing was actually his favorite part but he wasn’t allowed to dance most of the time. At first it was because he was always so busy with investors and then it was because Pepper didn’t like dancing with him because she was slightly taller when she wore heels.

It was the first gala he could make after the break up and the instant he stepped inside he knew it was a mistake. Fashionably late as always, the event was in full swing by the time he arrived. Pepper was talking with a group of high power investors, looking stunning in her midnight blue gown, a glass of wine in one hand. Tony suddenly felt very aware of the fact that he had chosen the violet tie to wear and almost left to change before Steve stepped up to his side.

“Tony!” said Steve cheerfully, handing Tony a glass of water. “I was wondering when you would get here.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Tony, shocked at seeing Steve out.

“The Avengers were invited,” said Steve. “Natasha and Clint are around here somewhere. Bucky refused to join, he doesn’t do crowds still, and Bruce is at that convention at the moment.”

“Oh,” said Tony.

“Do you want to dance?” asked Steve suddenly when the music shifted to an older waltz.

“Excuse me?” said Tony, who was already being tugged on to the dance floor by the taller, stronger male.

“I love this song,” said Steve bashfully. “They used to play it before the war. Ma would always have the radio going and we danced every time it came on.”

“What will your boyfriend think when the picture of us pops up in the papers?” asked Tony, only partially teasing.

“He’ll probably be jealous that I got to dance with you and he missed out because he was too busy pouting,” laughed Steve, leading Tony around the floor.

Tony laughed but his mind rushed off to another gala, another dance.

“You look stunning,” said Tony, coming up and kissing Pepper on the cheek. “Mind if I steal her away for a dance?”

The group of people Pepper was talking to – ones that Tony had never committed their names to memory – laughed and allowed the red head to be whisked away by her boyfriend, tutting at what a cute couple they made.

“Tony,” said Pepper, a smile plastered on her face for show but her shoulders tense. “You know I hate towering over you. It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s fine,” said Tony. “You look so amazing that I doubt anyone even notices who you’re dancing with. It’s only half an inch.”

“It’s humiliating,” grumbled Pepper. “It would be better if you could dance at all but you can’t, which only makes the height difference more noticeable.”

Tony wasn’t sure how his dancing abilities highlighted any height difference between them but he decided not to argue.

“Let’s just enjoy the moment,” said Tony quietly. “I don’t want to fight right now. We always fight. Let’s just dance.”

“We only fight because you’re so impossible,” snapped Pepper.

The song ended and Pepper stepped away as if Tony had the plague and she was afraid to catch it from him.

“I’ll get you a drink,” said Tony, hoping to salvage what was left of the night.

“Honestly, I wish you’d just leave,” sighed Pepper. “You’re making it very difficult for me to do my job and run your company with you clinging like a koala.”

“Oh.”

Pepper marched away without looking back and Tony went to the bar.

The song ended and Steve stepped back, bowing slightly to Tony and thanking him for the dance.

“Do you want a drink?” asked Steve.

“Um, no thanks,” said Tony uncertainly. 

“You sure?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. I see some people I have to talk to, go mingle, Cap.”

Tony rushed away and threw himself into conversation with a politician he hated but knew was a loose talker after a few drinks. For a time the man worked as a perfect distraction, jabbering away about this and that, every once in a while giving a useful tidbit of information until it stopped.

“Ms. Potts!” glowed the Politian (who Tony really needed to remember the name of). “How are you doing?”

“Fine, Roger,” said Pepper with a smile. “How are you?”

Somehow Pepper’s hand settled on Tony’s upper arm and Tony had to force himself not to cringe or hyperventilate or something. He stiffened and hated himself for it; he hated himself for giving her that power, the one to make him feel small in a place he normally felt in control.

“I hate to interrupt,” said Natasha, smoothly inserting herself between the exes and wrapping an arm around Tony’s waist. “But I’m afraid I need to steal Tony for a moment, Avengers business.”

Everyone nodded and let them leave and it wasn’t until they reached a quiet alley at the back of the building did Tony realize how badly he was shaking and how little oxygen was actually making it to his lungs. Without regard to his suit, the billionaire sat on the ground stained with oil, dirt, and other substances one would rather not think about. Natasha and Clint kept guard, watching the door and alley entrances, while Steve crouched next to Tony, not touching the billionaire but close enough that Tony had the option if he wanted.

“Bucky’s almost here,” said Steve softly. “I’m sorry we didn’t spot you sooner.”

“It’s not your job to protect me,” said Tony harshly, his breathing still ragged and face pale in the dim light of the alley.

“Yes it is,” replied Steve. “You’re our friend and we care about you.”

Tony would have argued, he really would have, but at that moment the door to the building opened and Pepper stepped out, already speaking before she recognized who all was there.

“I can’t believe you would humiliate me like that again,” growled Pepper, using the tone that had made more than one hardened business man cave, glaring at Tony in the light thrown out from the open door. “Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? You’re so stupid, you can’t just run away – are you even listening to me?”

“Let’s have a little chat, shall we?” said Natasha with a dangerous smile, sidling up to the other woman with ease, Clint close behind. 

“This is between Tony and me,” began Pepper.

“You may either come with me now and have a talk or I can make you come with me and you can trust me when I say that they will never find the body. Your choice.”

Before Pepper could respond, Natasha shoved her back through the door as Bucky rounded the corner. Tony whimpered near silently and fell into Steve’s waiting chest, burrowing himself inside the jacket towards the body that smelled like protection and freedom and something so entirely Steve that Tony wasn’t sure what to call it. As soon as he realized what he was doing and who he was doing it to, he tried to pull back, but Steve hummed disapprovingly and pulled him closer before harshly whispering so that only he could hear.

“Don’t you dare pull back until you’re ready,” said Steve.

Tony whined but burrowed closer because it had been so long since he had been held, since he let someone close enough to hold him, since he truly felt safe enough to let someone have his back because Pepper had been his world. Pepper knew him better than anyone – except maybe Rhodey – and if even she couldn’t love him then there had to be something fundamentally wrong with him. And if there was something wrong with him then he didn’t deserve to be held, to defile someone as good as Steve – Captain America – with his needy self.

“I’m going to kill her,” said Bucky quietly as he watched Tony break down for the first time in months.

“I won’t stop you,” replied Steve, not moving from his crouched position because he knew that the moment he did then the spell would be broken and Tony would retreat back to his public persona and pretend everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe the feedback this story has gained. I'm shocked, I really didn't expect this. Thank you all so much!
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	4. Love Child

“I’m not a fan of dogs,” Tony said as he eyed the kennels full of the yipping beasts. “I don’t get why you need me here while you two pick out your love child.”

Steve didn’t appear to hear him because he continued to inspect each and every dog, looking for the one he deemed just right. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Steve wants a dog,” said Bucky as if that explained everything.

“And that’s all well and good but I’m not his boyfriend, I’m just the funder, so again I ask you, why the hell do I have to be here?”

“Think of it as community service,” said Steve. “Grab a leash and a dog, we’re taking them on a walk around the yard.”

Tony grumbled but looked around until he found a dog further down the row. It was a year old mix breed – the sign said border collie/boxer but Tony was fairly sure it had some St. Bernard in there with how large it was – that was sitting quietly in the back corner of his kennel, eying Tony but not attacking the bars like most of the dogs.

“You’ll do, I guess,” said Tony, opening the door and stepping inside to put the leash on. “Let’s get this over with.”

The dog looked up at Tony but didn’t move.

“Um, mush?” said Tony, confusion written across his face. “Look, I know you probably want to stay in here just as much as I wanted to stay at home but it’s not going to happen, so onward, Light Brigade!”

The dog got up and trotted out of the kennel and out to the yard. The yard itself was nothing impressive. It consisted mainly of dead grass and dirt. There were a few enclosures where volunteers could take the dogs to play off leash. Tony headed to one of those.

“Okay,” said Tony when he locked the gate behind him and had removed the leash. “Do your dog thing, I’m going to sit here until Steve picks out the dog of his dreams.

The dog looked around then simply curled up at Tony’s feet. Tony smiled, slid to the ground, and began to pet the complacent dog. His fur was what Tony decided clouds would feel like if they were a solid and not a gas, smooth and light. In response, the dog set his head on Tony’s thigh and the billionaire swore the mutt was grinning in triumph. 

Steve took ages to find the dog he wanted, trying out almost all of them before sighing in defeat and admitting that he didn’t think any of those dogs would work for their lifestyle. 

“Where’s Tony?” asked Steve, looking around the kennel room when he finished putting up the last dog.

“He was outside in one of the enclosures last I checked,” said Bucky.

“Still?”

“Yeah, he’s just been sitting there with that dog the whole time.”

“Wow.”

When they approached the enclosure, they saw that indeed, Tony was still sitting in the dirt with the large dog, holding a one sided conversation intently.

“And that’s what I don’t get,” said Tony, softly, scratching the dog behind his floppy ears. “I don’t understand why.”

“Hey Tony,” said Steve, announcing their presence before they could overhear something that was clearly not meant for their ears. “You adopting this one?”

“No,” said Tony. “We’re here for you to get a dog, not me.”

Tony stood up and dusted dirt from his work jeans. The dog instantly rose and fell into step next to Tony, who opened the gate without bothering to put on the leash. It didn’t matter, the dog never strayed more than a foot from Tony’s side as they walked back to the kennel room, even when other dogs barked at him. Seeing that and how the genius’s hand found the dog’s head for a pat when a loud yip made him jump, Steve made a snap choice.

“Well good,” said Steve. “Because I’ve decided I’m adopting him.”

“What?” said Tony, turning on Steve, eyes flashing before settling back into their normal range. “You didn’t even spend time with him.”

“Yes, but you did. Besides, he seems lonely.”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“There is a two week grace period. If it doesn’t work out we’ll just return him.”

Tony didn’t protest further when Steve snapped a leash on the dogs collar and lead him to the main area where the adoption papers were waiting. He sulked, the dog whined and kept looking back at Tony, and Bucky found the whole thing rather amusing, knowing that the only reason Steve was adopting the dog was because Tony wanted him but would deny himself something like that on principal.

Tony pouted all the way up to the common floor and to the couch, where he plopped himself down and glared at the television. The dog followed him and instantly sat at his feet, leaning his entirely too large body back to have as much physical contact with Tony as possible.

“You’re not a lap dog,” said Tony gruffly, his hand still going to pet the soft head. “You’re a large dog, more like a horse. And you’re Steve and Bucky’s now, so go slobber one them. Go on, onward Light Brigade.”

“What did you call him?” asked Steve, entering the room with a bowl of water for the newest member of their makeshift family.

“Nothing,” said Tony.

“No, I heard you, you called him Light Brigade!” teased Bucky, jumping onto the couch and getting far to near Tony’s personal bubble.

“No, I said, ‘Onward, Light Brigade’,” replied Tony loftily. “There’s a difference. That poem is fantastic, I can use it to order people to move if I want. It’s not a name.”

“I like it,” said Steve with a soft smile. “Light Brigade. I think it suits him.”

“It’s not a name!”

“It is now!” laughed Bucky.

Tony grumbled but Light Brigade – the dog – didn’t seem bothered.

That evening when Tony made his way to bed, the dog followed him. It didn’t bother Tony when he was brushing his teeth or changing into long silk pants and a tank top, but he drew the line at the dog getting into bed with him.

“JARVIS, kindly ask Steve to come get his mangy mutt out of my room,” said Tony, glaring at the beast curled up in the center of the bed.

“Captain Rogers apologizes and asked me to tell you that he will be up shortly to fetch Light Brigade,” said JARVIS a few minutes later.

With a world weary sigh, Tony climbed into bed, lay there for a second, then climbed back out. There was a reason he rarely slept in his room anymore, opting instead to collapse from exhaustion in the lab or at movie night. That bed held too many memories – good and bad – that haunted him every time he touched the thing. Instead, Tony dragged his pillow and the throw blanket from the bottom of the bed, wear the dog wasn’t lounging, and settled down on the floor several feet away. It wasn’t comfortable but it was better than feeling the bed gave him, the one that made his skin crawl as if a million hyperactive worms had burrowed just under the surface.

When Steve finally made his way into the room, having gotten distracted by Bucky in the gym, he found Tony fast asleep on the ground, Light Brigade draped across his feet. The dog’s head perked up the moment Steve entered the room, sharp dog eyes following the super soldiers every move.

With a sigh, Steve shook his head sadly and left, leaving the dog to look after Tony.

He made his way to the bedroom he shared with Bucky and sat heavily on the bed.

“What’s up?” asked Bucky, setting aside his book and turning his full attention to Steve, staring with the intensity that bordered on being Winter Soldier.

“Tony’s not sleeping in his bed,” said Steve.

“So?”

“It’s been three months and he’s not sleeping in his bed! He’s on the ground, not even the couch, the ground.”

“He sleeps on the couch during movie nights.”

“Yes, but that’s because you or I force him to, not because he wants to.”

“He sleeps on the couch in his lab.”

“That’s not the point,” growled Steve.

“You’re right,” said Bucky reasonably. “The point is that he would be more comfortable in a bed but he clearly doesn’t want to sleep in his own, so invite him to join us if it bothers you so much.”

Steve froze, whatever he was about to say lost in his throat because what Bucky was suggesting – it was crazy. Would he really be willing to give up his alone time with Steve (something they had precious little of to begin with) for the sake of a friend. Did he really feel that guilty? Or was he trying to tell Steve what Steve really didn’t want to let his heart hope Bucky wanted to tell him.

“Not tonight,” said Steve at last. “He’s already asleep and Light Brigade is watching over him.”

He purposefully left it at that, vague and noncommittal, just in case Bucky had been joking.

“Tomorrow then,” said Bucky, yawning to hide his smirk before kissing Steve’s cheek and laying down. “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to stop updating due to the less than kind words I have received but what type of fun is that?


	5. Fixing It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who has been so supportive and kind. You will never know how much it means to me but trust me when I say it means more than a lot. So thank you. This is for you.

Tony fumbled for the coffee the next morning, ignoring everyone else in the room with ease that came from years of practice. Light Brigade sat at the door of the kitchen until Steve poured some food in his bowl near the island, then the dog entered to devour the food as though he thought one of the hero’s would try to steal it.

“Sleep well?” Steve asked Tony, reaching above the groggy billionaire to get his own mug.

“Your dog woke me up,” grumbled Tony.

“He probably needed to go out,” replied Steve.

“I know, so I took him out and now I’m awake instead of sleeping,” snapped Tony. “Why didn’t you come get him like you said you would?”

“I tried. He wouldn’t leave you and you both looked so cozy all snuggled up together.”

“Shut up, Rogers.”

Steve laughed but turned his focus from teasing Tony to making the team breakfast. Saturday mornings he always made breakfast. Tony slumped on the island, shivering slightly as his body adjusted to the cooler temperature of the kitchen and found that it wasn’t pleased with the thin clothing that acted as a barrier. Pathetically, Tony moaned against the cold but couldn’t find the energy to actually do something about it.

“Wear a thicker shirt next time, princess,” said Bucky, removing his own large sweat shirt and tossing it at Tony.

Tony mumbled something that could have been an insult or a thank you and pulled on the sweat shirt – which was far too large but looked adorable on him when mixed with his sleepy eyes and messy hair – before appreciating the view the removal of said sweat shirt allowed him of Bucky’s toned chest.

“Like what you see?” said Bucky with a sly grin that hid most of his discomfort at his mangled shoulder and arm being on display.

Tony blushed and looked away, silently cursing himself not only for eying Steve’s man but for wanting to eye both of them at the same time. Before everything went down, Tony had considered Bucky and Steve his best friends. The three of them did almost everything together which was one of the huge points of contention with Pepper. After things came to light Tony still hung out with Steve and Bucky but he had also become acutely aware of the fact that they were in this happy relationship with each other and he was not a part of it. He felt like soon he would become the point of contention between the super soldiers because while it was fine for them all to hang out when they were in their own separate committed relationships it became awkward when Tony was single. Those were the rules of society. Just like society had the rule that no male and female could just be friends unless one of them was gay. That just wasn’t allowed.

“How about I make it up to you for having to take Light Brigade out this morning?” offered Steve, setting a fresh plate of eggs and waffles in front of Tony, breaking the increasingly tense atmosphere that had arisen. “Let’s take him on a walk after breakfast and get lunch anywhere you want, my treat?”

It was a normal offer; Before they used to do stuff like that all the time, go out for ice cream, to a movie, lunch, dinner, breakfast, something. Sometimes it was to make up for a mistake, most of the time it was for fun.

“Sure,” said Tony, perking up at the idea of doing something so normal. “I want Nonna’s.”

“You always want Nonna’s,” said Steve with a smile.

When they were ready to go, Steve clipped a leash on Light Brigade and off the trio went. They walked around the park, laughing at the running outfits, enjoying the sunlight and ignoring the people taking pictures. It was nice, Light Brigade walked between Tony and Steve, Bucky on Steve’s other side, the trees created a pleasant barrier between the sun and them, and the conversation was flowing. 

Then they passed a couple yelling at each other.

Tony froze, not looking at the couple, his eyes searching for someone else, someone who was more than likely in a board meeting. Light Brigade growled at the couple, who ignored the dog. Steve tugged Tony’s arm, dragging him away while Bucky went over to the couple and not so subtly told them to take their dispute somewhere else or shut up before he made them shut up. They were out of the park and well on their way to Nonna’s before Tony spoke softly.

“We were always fighting,” said Tony to his feet. Steve and Bucky held their breath; it was the first time Tony was offering information. “Not in public. Never in public, that’s bad press. But when we were alone. We were always fighting. And it wasn’t just her, I was just as bad. I never could see things her way, I’m stubborn, always have been – ask my dad – but it was so exhausting. I’m so tired of fighting over every little thing.”

Bucky asked for a table in the corner of the restaurant, the one they usually occupied when they went out because it was out of the way and people left them alone when they sat there. The owners looked the other way for their dog, who was silent and looming and ignored everyone.

“Stupid things,” said Tony as they sat down. It was like once he started talking he couldn’t stop. “Like how I refused to take a bath with her because I don’t do standing water. Or what to have for dinner. And they weren’t even normal spats between couples. I mean, they were at first, but later they turned into full on screaming matches over me ordering her broccoli instead of egg rolls from the Chinese Place.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you scream,” said Steve.

“Yeah well, I don’t really enjoy raising my voice in anger,” said Tony. “I was taught to not do that so it’s hard.”

“Then the screaming matches were one sided,” reasoned Steve.

“She wasn’t this villain you guys paint her out to be,” said Tony desperately. “I don’t even think she knew what she was doing at first. And there were good times. I’m an adult, I could have left at any time. It’s my fault.”

“What would you three like to drink?” asked their usual waitress Ella. 

“Coffee,” said Tony with his press smile.

“Water,” said Steve.

“I’ll take a fizzy drink,” said Bucky. “Surprise me on which one.”

“I’ll get those right out,” said Ella before trouncing away.

“Steve, what do you think looks good?” asked Bucky.

“I’m going with the lunch special,” said Steve. 

“Oh, I was going to get that!” whined Bucky. “Fine, I’ll just have the bacon burger and chips.”

“You can have some of my shrimp,” offered Steve.

Bucky grinned at Steve while Tony looked on is something akin to jealousy. He wanted that. He wanted a relationship with – like, he meant like – these two where they could joke and offer each other food with no intention of getting something in return. He wanted the not yelling and the talking out problems. He wanted the respect and security and everything else that healthy relationships had.

But that was not for him. He was Tony Stark, Merchant of Death, he destroyed everything good in his path and he would inevitably destroy them. They had to know that. They were like raindrops in his storm of a life, part of billions and unremarkable while he was a hurricane. And it made sense, because hurricanes were named after people and destroyed things and he also left a path of destruction in his wake.

“What are you getting?” asked Steve, turning his smile on Tony, who shook his head to break himself from his captivating thoughts.

“Oh, um, I don’t know,” said Tony, flustered. 

“How about the steak and chips?” suggested Bucky, glancing at the menu. “You always like their steaks. Swear by them, actually.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, surprised by the fact that Bucky had not only noticed that Tony almost always ordered the steak here but also that he enjoyed them so much. 

When Ella returned with their drinks, Tony shyly ordered the steak. The rest of lunch went off with Tony slowly returning to his chatty self, the one he found so easy to be with Steve and Bucky. By the time they returned back to the Tower it was almost dinner. Bucky and Steve begged off to go do some grocery shopping, something Tony hated doing and avoided at all costs, which was how Tony found himself with an entire evening to himself for the first time (that he wasn’t spending working) in a long time.

It started out innocently enough with Tony wanting to watch the newest Star Trek movie, the one that was several years old but he secretly liked to watch at least twice a year. The others weren't even at the Tower. The assassin twins were on top-secret mission (in Peru, not that Tony snooped), Bruce was out on a date with some girl he met online (who Tony was fairly certain was a serial killer), Thor was with Jane, and Steve was with Bucky grocery shopping. Since the break-up, Pepper only came over when business couldn't be handled via phone or email and even then it was under constant supervision by at least one of the other Avengers as JARVIS refused to let her enter without them present, so her absence from the Tower was not a point of interest. 

Tony had seen the movie several times. The science was not particularly interesting to him, the graphics were decent but that was it, and the storyline was predictable, but he liked the emotions between the characters. The way Spock and Kirk interacted was fascinating to him and reminded him often of how Steve and him interacted. They fought and snipped and challenged each other but in the moment of crisis, they inevitably had the others back without fail. Bones and Kirk in turn reminded Tony of how he got along with Bucky. Bucky was grumpy (or liked to pretend to be grumpy) and thought Tony childish but the man still cared for him and tried to look after him. Tony, in turn, forced Bucky to socialize and get out there. Natasha acted eerily similar to Uhura, Clint to Scotty, and Thor to Chekov. So Tony watched the movie because he liked the way the people interacted and maybe just a little because they reminded him of his own team.

Light Brigade barked once, right before the elevator doors opened and revealed the missing super soldiers, back from their quest to restock the kitchen. Tony looked up over the edge of the couch but went back to drifting between being awake and being asleep when it looked like they were going to ask him to help out with the putting away of the food.

“Star Trek, really?” commented Bucky when he saw what movie was playing.

Tony mumbled something insecurely and gestured for JARVIS to turn it off, sitting up. Light Brigade growled softly at Bucky as though he knew he was the reason for Tony’s mood shifting from relaxed and happy to insecure and afraid.

“Sorry,” said Bucky gruffly. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised. I thought you would have hated that movie because of the faulty science.”

Tony shrugged, trying to play it off like it didn’t matter, not wanting to make the super soldier mad.

“Hey, why don’t we continue watching it in our room?” said Steve.

Bucky rolled his eyes, thinking about how smooth Steve was not being with trying to get Tony in bed without actually getting Tony in bed.

“It’s okay,” said Tony softly. “I have work to do anyway.”

“But who else is going to explain what’s going on to the old men?” said Bucky, looping his metal arm around Tony’s shoulder.

The genius tensed briefly then leaned into the familiar gesture, remembering how often they used to do this Before. It wasn’t a big deal, they would never want to date him. They were happily together! Tony knew he would ruin it. But he was a glutton for pain, so he agreed to join them. Maybe he could pretend to fall asleep and they would let him stay; his nightmares were always better when he was with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is one thing I've learned in my life it's that nothing pisses them off more than holding your head high and doing you, so here's to another update despite the hate! After all, I'm not writing this for the haters, I'm writing it for you lovely people.


	6. Snuggles

When Tony settled in the center of the bed facing the television, Light Brigade jumped up and flopped down on his back in front of the billionaire, half in his lap and half out, clearly more interested in Tony rubbing his belly than Tony watching the movie. As the super soldiers clambered into bed on either side of him, Tony tensed up and found his hands moving down to smooth down the silky fur on the dogs chest, the repetitive motion grounding. Steve and Bucky both sat against the headboard while Tony stayed firmly in the center of the bed.

“I don’t get it,” said Bucky about a half hour into the movie, when Tony had finally relaxed enough to join them against the headboard, bracketed by the muscle mass on either side and ball of fur curled up on his feet. “If this is based off of a television show then why did they have to create an alternate universe?”

“Because people get worked up when you change their favorite characters,” replied Tony with a poorly concealed yawn. “The best way to avoid any sort of hullabaloo is to create an alternate universe where everything can be similar but any inconsistencies either with the character personalities or with the way the world works can be written off as being part of a different universe.”

“But why can’t they just make the movie the same as the show if that’s what it’s based on?” asked Steve.

“It’s like reading a book and seeing the movie that is based off the book,” said Tony. “Some people can’t separate the two things. If they love the book, they hate the movie because it can’t include everything the book does. If they love the movie and then read the book, they are disappointed by the book because it doesn’t have the same character development the movie does. Movie and books will never match up – remind me to have you read ‘Ella Enchanted’ and then see the movie – and that bothers some people.”

“But it doesn’t bother you,” said Bucky, reading between the lines. “Just like this movie not matching the show doesn’t bother you.”

“Correct! Because I can separate the two and appreciate them both for what they are – forms of entertainment. They’re just stories, after all, they are meant to take us away from here. Star Trek does that in the show and in the movie. Normally, the movie and the book are both good in their own ways – except “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter’ that book was awesome but the movie was a shit movie all around - but people get so caught up in making them identical they don’t realize how boring that would be.”

“Hm,” said Bucky. “Sounds stupid.”

“People are stupid,” replied Tony, his eyes drifting shut. 

Within minutes, he was fast asleep, curling on his side, knees slightly bent as if he wanted to take up less space, be less of a target, even while sleeping. Steve and Bucky finished the movie and settled down to go to sleep. The bed had more than enough space for all of them to comfortably stretch out but somehow, by the time Tony woke up several hours later, he found himself with his head on Steve’s chest and legs entwined with Bucky’s while Light Brigade had made himself at home at the foot of the bed. It was warm, but the good type of warm, the type of warm that came from drinking the perfect cup of coffee that was only found at the dingy gas station near Buffalo. Not the type of warm that came from wandering around the desert. But once the desert entered his mind, Tony couldn’t banish the thought and suddenly the desert came back in full force, the oppressive heat, the darkness of the cave with its stale air and foreign screams.

Light Brigade sat up and let out a single sharp bark, alerting the two super soldiers to their friend who was quickly slipping into a full blown panic attack.

“Easy,” whispered Bucky, metal hand reaching up to run soothingly along Tony’s arm. “Easy, you’re okay. Deep breaths, nice and slow, you can do it.”

Steve moved to fetch a glass of water but Tony made such a small whine of displeasure that he instantly stilled, wrapping his arms firmly around the genius and waiting. Slowly, painfully, Tony calmed down, his breathing evening out and heart rate slowing.

“There we go,” praised Bucky softly. “Good job. Want to tell us what happened?”

Tony shook his head, tears of shame burning his eyes. All he really wanted to do was hide between his two best friends and let them handle everything for the day. He had a meeting with Pepper later in the morning about SI and a meeting with a bunch of investors who he hated and normally got out of but hadn’t found a valid excuse or someone to replace him who would be just as convincing. He hadn’t taken a day just for himself since Before and he just really wanted to pretend for a little while that everything was okay, that the panic attackers weren’t becoming more frequent, that the nightmares weren’t worse, that he wasn’t holding it together through sheer willpower and coffee.

“Do you have anything you need to get done today?” asked Steve, running his fingers through brown locks.

“Yes,” mumbled Tony. “Meeting with Pepper and then investors. I have to scare them into giving more money.”

“JARVIS, please ask Natasha to cover Tony for today,” said Steve. “I think she still knows what to do. Is that okay, Tony?”

Tony nodded.

“Can we just take a day?” asked Tony. “Take a day and not do anything?”

“Sure,” said Bucky. “Want to invite the others and just watch movies and play board games?”

Again, Tony nodded, unable to summon the energy to protest.

“Mkay,” said Bucky, kissing the back of Tony’s head. “Go back to sleep. Steve will take Light Brigade out for you in the morning, we’ll start the day of nothing when you wake up.”

“It’s Steve’s dog,” said Tony, his heart pounding as he tried to figure out if Bucky meant to kiss him or Steve’s hand.

“Sure.”

Tony smiled and snuggled down, burrowing into blankets that smelled like Bucky and Steve, and fell asleep. Light Brigade settled back down after Tony was firmly asleep. Steve and Bucky looked at each other over their bedmate.

“We need to talk Bruce into getting Tony to help on a project,” said Steve in a voice that only the other super soldier could hear. “Something fun that they can use to bond over.”

“And we should ask Natasha to take over most SI duties for a while,” agreed Bucky. “Give Tony a break, a chance to actually deal with what happened. He’s finally starting to open up, I think he needs time away from work to get his head back on straight.”

“He’s so cute when he’s sleeping,” sighed Steve before he blushed fiercely, realizing he said it out loud.

“We should keep him,” was all Bucky said in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are the best. The. Best.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	7. Rhodey Knows Nothing

Bruce had come to him when Tony was in the kitchen that morning and asked to help him design pants that would fit the Hulk and himself. In theory, all they needed to do was design a better version of spandex but it was the activity itself that was exciting for Tony. He loved a challenge outside of his normal field of work and he liked spending time with Bruce, so he agreed.

“I’ll have to tell the super buff brigade that I’m going to help you for a few hours,” said Tony. “We agreed to have an easy day today.”

“It’s fine,” said Steve, walking into the kitchen freshly showered after his run. “The point of the day is to do things we find fun. For some reason you like science, so do that. I’m just going to draw for a while and Bucky will probably try to finish ‘War and Peace’.”

“If you’re sure,” said Tony slowly.

“It won’t take long,” said Bruce. “Please Tony? I could really use some pants.”

At that, Tony laughed and joined Bruce in the lab. 

“Why are we in your lab again?” asked Bruce as Tony moved to an open area to project the bonds between various fabrics. 

“Because you’re running those nasty tests in yours and quite frankly this is a building project, not a biology project, and I have the stuff to build.”

“You also have pets in here and pets make messes.”

“Hey, Dummy is house trained, leave him alone!”

“I was meaning Light Brigade.”

“What?”

Tony glanced around and found Light Brigade had made himself at home on the ratty old couch in the corner.

“JARVIS, please inform Steve that he is the one who wanted a dog, gave it a stupid name, and now said dog is in my workshop.”

“Of course, Sir,” said JARVIS.

Tony went back to ignoring the large dog and instead turned all his attention on Bruce, who was explaining that he was not interested in wearing glorified spandex into battle.

“Nothing tight,” said Bruce. “Nobody wants a skintight suit on the Other Guy.”

“Now I’m just picturing the Hulk in a tux,” said Tony, spinning in his chair with a grin on his face, looking more relaxed than he had in ages. “I have to say, that would be a really big tux.”

Bruce rolled his eyes but grinned. He had missed working with Tony.

The time flew by and at the end of a few hours they had a prototype in fabrication and were both in good spirits. Bruce begged off joining Tony for a late lunch with the excuse that he was headed to Lima for a few weeks to do some work and needed to pack. Tony wasn’t sure he believed the other genius but he wasn’t sure he didn’t either, so he let Bruce go with little more than a pout, heading to the kitchen himself to see what he could scrounge up.

“Clint made mac and cheese,” said Natasha when Tony passed him on his way to the kitchen. “There’s some left over in the fridge if you want it.”

“Clint makes the best mac and cheese!” declared Tony.

“Yes well that’s because he only knows how to make mac and cheese. It’s not difficult to perfect your only skill.”

“I heard that,” called Clint from somewhere in the vents.

Tony laughed but went to the kitchen to get the food; for all that his cooking abilities consisted of habitually burning water, Clint made fantastic mac and cheese. Tony was fairly certain it was the type of noodles he used – the shells, not the elbow noodles. 

Something triggered it. He wasn’t sure what, probably Natasha walking into the room to place her empty coffee cup in the sink, but one moment Tony was rooting through the shelves of the fridge for the famed mac and cheese and the next it was too difficult to breathe.

Something was crushing his lungs and the air was too thick to fit in his mouth. He was on the ground, backed into that corner where the wall met cabinet, sitting up and still something was crushing his chest. He really needed it to stop, he needed it to go away, it was like after the cave all over again. How had he made it through this – this panic attack, that’s what it was! – after the cave? Or New York? Right, Pepper had been there, she made things better. But Pepper wasn’t there anymore, he had been too needy and insane and driven her away because he couldn’t control it but it really didn’t matter because he still couldn’t breathe and no one was helping.

“What happened?” demanded Steve, rushing into the room several minutes later to find Tony curled into a tight ball in the corner of the kitchen, wild and terrified and clearly not in the present moment.

“I don’t know,” said Natasha curtly, several feet away from Tony. “He was fine and then he wasn’t, I don’t know what triggered it.”

“Colonel Rhodes is about to arrive,” announced JARVIS.

Moments later the elevator dinged and James Rhodes entered at a swift trot, bypassing all the Avengers to kneel before the one on the ground.

“Tones, I need your eyes on me,” said Rhodey in a soft yet firm tone. “Come on, eyes on me genius, that’s it.”

“Rh-rh-rhodey?” panted Tony, his eyes flickering to the colonel breifly before scanning the room again in search of danger.

“Nope, eyes on me and they stay on me,” said Rhodey. “You know this, Tony. Come on.”

It took several tries and the instant anyone moved Tony would be set off again but eventually his eyes settled on his long time best friend.

“There we go,” encouraged Rhodey. “You back with us?”

Tony nodded, not taking his eyes off the other man’s face, his breathing still harsh and uneven, his face too pale, but he was breathing and his eyes were clearer than they had been a few minutes before.

“Wanna tell me what triggered it?” asked Rhodey in a whisper.

Tony shook his head. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m in New York for a few days and thought I’d drop by,” said Rhodey easily, offering a hand to help Tony up off the floor. “You still have that room for me or are you gonna make me stay in a hotel?”

“Actually your room is currently under construction,” said Tony guiltily. “There was a bit of an accident in that area a few months back and progress has been slow going since it turns out that most construction crews only work Tuesdays and bank holidays.”

“What did you blow up this time?” groaned Rhodey, making sure Tony was seated at the island before going to the fridge, still ignoring the other Avengers.

“He didn’t,” said Bucky darkly from where he was leaning against the door frame. “The Hulk needed immediate release and the guest wing was closest.”

“That’s strange,” said Rhodey mildly, scooping two bowls of mac and cheese up to warm in the microwave. “Why didn’t you tell me, Tony?”

Tony shrugged, mumbling something about work and overseas and the military being controlling.

“Where’s Pepper?” asked Rhodey. “She always tells me about this stuff since you never deem it necessary.”

Everyone in the kitchen froze as realization sunk in. 

Rhodey didn’t know.

Tony hadn’t told him.

And when Rhodey turned back to set a steaming bowl of joy in the form of cheese and pasta, the confused look on his face destroyed Tony’s tumaltuous grasp on serenity and sent him tumbling back into a panic, running out of the room until he found a safe place on the huge L shaped couch in the living room, Light Brigade instantly jumping onto the couch to join him, curling protectively around Tony.

“What happened?” said Rhodey, glaring at the other Avengers as if it was their fault his best friend was hiding and scared.

“Dibs!” yelled Clint, dropping out of the vents and landing on the kitchen floor with a soft thud, evil grin on his face. “I get to tell Rhodey!”

“I have SI business to attend to,” said Natasha loftily. “Pepper is in her office.”

“Tell me what?” demanded Rhodey.

“Let’s go take care of our guy,” said Bucky, pulling on Steve’s arm.

“Wait, you what do you mean ‘your guy’?” growled Rhodey. “What the hell happened the last six months I was gone?”

“Come on, Colonel,” said Clint brightly. “I’ll explain everything. Bucky and Steve have got Tony. Trust me, I’ll let you give them the shovel talk after.”

“After what?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I don't update on weekends for the most part.
> 
> Anywho, hope you are enjoying the story!
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	8. Protective

After Clint finished speaking Rhodey was silent, standing in the little used office on the Avengers floor, processing the information.

He wanted Clint to be wrong, to be lying, confused, anything but correct. But he also knew he wasn’t. And it wasn’t because he trusted Clint, because he knew the archer was a good warrior but trusting anyone with his best friend was difficult for Rhodey – which was also a reason why the colonel wanted so badly for what Clint had just told him to be false. Because he did trust Pepper.

Yet he trusted Tony more and he had seen how Tony reacted in the kitchen. The billionaire had a flair for the dramatics but he couldn’t fake a panic attack like that.

And it would have been so easy to slip in and undermine the mans confidence. He knew his best friend and he knew how little Tony really thought of himself. It would have been simple. And Tony never would have fought back because he would have truly believed he deserved it.

“Where is she?” said Rhodey calmly.

“In her office,” replied Clint with a smile.

“Why the hell is she still working for SI?”

“Because she’s good at her job and Tony hasn’t been in the place to take over again.”

Rhodey nodded; he knew that even if Tony could take over he wouldn’t because he wasn’t interested in running his company, he just wanted to make it better.

“I’m going to go talk to her,” said Rhodey.

“Yes!” cheered Clint, punching the air with his fist.

Rhodey turned and headed to the office he was looking for. He remembered the last person close to Tony who betrayed him. That person had ended up dead and as much as Rhodey hated Tony getting hurt, he hoped it ended up better for Pepper because no matter what they said, he still didn’t want to believe that Pepper was capable of that.

-Minefields-

He wasn’t sure how he ended up wearing Bucky’s sweat shirt but he didn’t question too much because he could feel his mind teetering on the edge of panic and knew that if he delved too deep then he would drop back in to that black pit and he wouldn’t be able to claw his way out again. So he let the sweatshirt stay, enjoying the familiar smell that came with it that was part metal, crisp cool air, a hint of Steve (because everything Bucky owned smelled a little like Steve) and something that was entirely Bucky. Light Brigade was in his lap, curled up and entirely too large to be a lap dog but Tony didn’t push him away; he liked the comforting weight of the dog and the way he seemed to glare at anything that made Tony jump.

Bucky was sitting on the ground in front of Tony, seemingly absorbed in the mindless television show while Steve sat on the armchair nearby. Light Brigade at refused to let the other men join them on the couch after Tony flinched when they tried and while neither super soldier would admit to being afraid of getting bitten by a dog, neither one argued with their new spots.

“Hey Tones,” said Rhodey, entering the room what seemed like hours later.

The colonel joined Tony on the couch with no repercussions and Steve had to fight down jealousy at the easy way Tony curled into Rhodey’s side. No hesitation, no stiffening in fear, the genius just flopped against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“Wanna explain to my why you didn’t tell me about everything?” asked Rhodey softly.

“Didn’t want you to hate me,” admitted Tony, too tired from the emotional turmoil of having multiple panic attacks in a short span of time to lie. “Didn’t want you to hate her.”

“Okay,” said Rhodey slowly. “Well you’re an idiot. If I don’t hate you for that time in college when-“

“That was one time and your record was cleared almost immediately!”

“Then I don’t hate you now.”

Bucky snorted at the bluntness, deciding he liked this man who didn’t take any of Tony’s bull shit.

“Don’t hate me?” said Tony.

“Nope. Now what is this I hear about you snagging the interest of the two resident super soldiers?” asked Rhodey.

Steve choked on his water but Bucky grinned. Yup, he approved of Rhodey.

“Not true,” said Tony quietly. “They’re together.”

“And they called you their man,” teased Rhodey lightly. 

“They’re right there,” hissed Tony, butting his head against Rhodey’s shoulder. “They’ll here you and think I’m trying to ruin their relationship and they’ll leave.”

“Tell you what,” said Rhodey quietly, eying the men around them who were pretending not to listen but still listening in. “Why don’t we watch Mulan, get drunk off our asses, and then play Cards Against Humanity?”

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” said Tony with a grin.

“I know,” said Rhodey. “Now go get your good stash, the one I know you hide in your closet.”

Tony grumbled but stumbled out of the room, Light Brigade close behind.

Rhodey turned to the two men in front of him, his face turning serious.

“If you two are fucking with Tony I swear I will kill you both with my bare hands,” Rhodey practically growled. “Now tell me exactly what your intentions are with him.”

“We plan on dating him,” said Bucky bluntly. “If he’s interested, that is.”

“No,” said Rhodey. 

“We weren’t asking your permission,” said Bucky, his face darkening.

“What Bucky means is that we understand your hesitance to let anyone date Tony, especially with what happened with Pepper but –“

“No,” said Rhodey. “You misunderstand me. Tony is difficult at the best of times. He’ll be downright impossible right now. And he talks about you two all the time. If anyone can handle him right now, it’s you two. What I’m saying no to is you leaving when it gets hard. Everyone leaves him. And I can’t be around all the time – clearly since I wasn’t around to stop this – but I need to know that this won’t happen again while I’m away. So no, no dating Tony.”

“We’re not leaving,” said Steve, chin stuck out stubbornly.

“And you’ve been doing a fine job for someone who claims to be his best friend,” said Bucky. “Where were you when he spent that entire first week after the breakup hiding in the workshop and wouldn’t eat anything but pancakes Steve made? Where were you when he had nightmares and would only sleep during movie night, surrounded by his team? You haven’t been here for any of that, so you don’t really get a say in this.”

“I missed six months of his life,” said Rhodey, glaring at Bucky. “You’ve missed everything else. You didn’t meet him as a 14 year old drunk off his ass at a college party. You weren’t there for his parents death, for Jarvis’s death, for Afghanistan, none of it. Did you know I talk to that kid every other night at 7pm, no matter what time it is where I am? Why? Because he is the most important person in my life. I have and will kill for him and if you hurt him I will end you both. Do I make myself clear?”

“If we hurt him I will find you myself so you can kill us,” said Bucky. 

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update!


	9. Going Where?

Pepper knew she had made a mistake.

She hadn’t meant to hurt Tony, not at first at least. He could just be so frustrating. Still, she truly hadn’t set out to hurt him. It wasn’t like she woke up in the morning and thought, “How can I cause my boyfriend the most pain today?”. She wasn’t evil or sadistic or crazy, she just didn’t know how to handle Tony anymore and had made a mistake. She thought the others understood that, so when Rhodey had walked into her office she hadn’t been concerned.

“I didn’t realize you were coming to visit,” said Pepper with a smile when Rhodey entered her office. “How have you been, Rhodey?”

“Don’t you ‘Rhodey’ me,” snapped Rhodey, glaring at her in a way that she had never seen. “Sit your ass down and explain why I have a best friend upstairs who is currently having a panic attack and a team of super heros who want nothing more than to destroy you but haven’t because Tony won’t let them.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” groaned Pepper, putting her head in her hands for a moment before sitting back up. “Look, it’s not what you think. You know how Tony exaggerates. We broke up, he didn’t take it well. The others are upset that he’s upset. The end. Please, let’s not make this into some high school drama.”

“Wrong answer,” growled Rhodey. “I gave you one shot to answer me truthfully and you blew it.”

“I am telling the truth!” snapped Pepper, never one to be intimidated by a low voice. “Tony and I fought all the time, you knew that. You can’t pretend he is so perfect and innocent because you know him better than anyone!”

“Clint got to tell me what happened,” said Rhodey coldly. “He showed me the security feed for several months, the feed that JARVIS had backed up on an external drive in case anything happened to the original. I’m glad he did because when I searched for the rest of it, it was gone, mysteriously deleted. But I saw enough. Pepper, what did you do?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him! He can just be so frustrating.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to tear him down and force him into submission!”

“I wasn’t-“

“No. I didn’t come here to listen to you justify your behavior. I came here to inform you that your services will no longer be required here in New York. You have been transferred to Stark Industries new medical section where you will work. A temporary replacement has been assigned and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns you may direct them to her. You will not speak to Tony again, you will not speak to the press about Tony, you will not even have thoughts about Tony. Do you understand me?”

“You don’t have the power to do this and I know Tony would never reassign me.”

“Tony wouldn’t because he truly loved you and wanted you to be happy but the cost was him and if you read the fine print then you will find that I have totally power to reassign anyone in the company. Tony put that in place years ago to make sure that should anything happen to him – I think he was thinking kidnapping or mind control – then I could clean up any messes he made. So here I am, cleaning up this mess you made. Your bags are packed.”

Pepper wanted to argue, put up more of a fight, but she knew she couldn’t win, not against Rhodey and not about Tony. When Pepper had first met Rhodey, it had been a nightmare. The man had grilled her harder than Tony had when he initially interviewed her for her spot as assistant. It was intimidating to meet the person her boss spoke so highly of and Rhodey made it very clear that just because Tony liked her didn’t mean she was in his good graces. Eventually, however, Rhodey had come around and together they had made a formidable team. Now that was over.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” whispered Pepper, looking down at her hands.

“Doesn’t matter.”

Pepper nodded. “I’ll be out by the end of the day.”

“You’ll be out by the end of the hour.”

Then Rhodey had walked out, presumably to go back to Tony, leaving Pepper to scramble to clean up her belongings because Rhodey had been more than generous with giving her an hour but she didn’t think for one second that meant he wouldn’t have dire consequences in place the moment her hour was finished.

-Minefields-

The knock on their door at two in the morning was not expected but also not a shock. People tended to just burst into whatever room they wanted – except the workshop because that was against the rules – so it was the knock that was the surprise, not the late hour.

“Tony?” said Steve, yawning as he opened the door. “What’s up?”

“Let’s go to Oklahoma,” said Tony, only his hands twisting in his shirt betraying his nerves, the rest of his voice and demeanor appeared totally calm and in control.

“Why? What’s in Oklahoma?”

“Absolutely nothing, that’s the beauty of it,” said Tony, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “There is nothing in Oklahoma. They have a basketball team now and some buildings. I hear there are farms and cows and that the people are friendly. Like weirdly friendly. And no one goes there unless they need to, which means no one will be there. So let’s go, you, Bucky, and me.”

“When?”

“Right now.”

“Bucky is sleeping. We should be sleeping.”

“Fine. Then in the morning. Let’s go in the morning.”

“Okay.”

They stood for a moment just staring at each other in the partially darkened hallway.

“Well, I’m going to go now, I guess,” said Tony. “See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Tony,” said Steve. 

Tony rushed back to his suite where Rhodey was waiting for him.

“So did you tell them?” asked Rhodey, lounging on the couch. “Did you tell them how much you love them?”

“Shut up,” grumbled Tony, throwing himself on the couch next to Rhodey with a groan.

“You didn’t, did you?” teased Rhodey. “You chickened out.”

“I asked them to go on a trip with me,” admitted Tony. “They should be able to read between the lines from that. Are you sure this was a good idea? Rhodey, they are in a relationship. I can’t ruin that.”

“Relax,” said Rhodey soothingly. “I wouldn’t have forced you to do this if I wasn’t sure. Trust me. So where are you going?”

“Oklahoma.”

“Oklahoma?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I panicked! It slipped out! Steve answered the door all sleepy and adorable and I wasn’t prepared for that and I panicked and asked him and Bucky to go to Oklahoma with me. I’m hopeless. This was a horrible idea. I hate you.”

“No, you love me.”

Rhodey’s phone buzzed that tone that meant the military wanted him back. Tony hated that tone. That tone meant his best friend was leaving again.

“Sorry,” said Rhodey.

“Whatever,” said Tony as flippantly as possible while inside he was ashamed to admit that he didn’t want Rhodey to go again because when Rhodey was gone no one was there to ground him, keep him safe, watch his back and talk him down from his crazy ideas.

“Hey,” said Rhodey softly. “I don’t have to go. Not yet. I’ll work it out, I am due for extra time off.”

“It’s fine,” said Tony. “I’m a big boy, Honey Bear, I can take care of myself. I’m leaving for Oklahoma in the morning anyway. Don’t worry. Go back to your mistress.”

“You know you’re the only one for me,” said Rhodey cheekily. “Have fun in Oklahoma.”

“Have fun following orders.”


	10. All about the Food

Tony rented them a house near downtown Oklahoma City when they arrived instead of a hotel room. Bucky didn’t know why and when Steve asked Tony had explained that since the dog insisted on coming they needed a yard for the beast. It sounded like a silly reason but no one argued.

The house was set up in an old, historic neighborhood, one with rules about how high a fence could be and what color a house could be painted, one of those neighborhoods that had houses that didn’t match because they were built at different times, not by a developer. There were old trees towering in every yard and grass that Tony was fairly convinced was used to form pillows – but only in certain lawns, other lawns had a sorry excuse for dry, dead things. Light Brigade liked the house and inspected every room before curling up in front of the back door and taking a nap. 

Bucky and Steve placed their bags in the master bedroom while Tony took over the third floor which could have been a ballroom if people still had balls. It was large and open and had its own bathroom, so the genius was content. After settling in, they met up downstairs in the kitchen.

“So what should we do for lunch?” asked Steve excitedly.

“We just had breakfast,” grumbled Tony.

“No, you had breakfast on the jet. Some of us got up at a reasonable hour and ate like a normal person.”

“Semantics,” said Tony, waving his hand.

“So are there any good places to eat around here?” asked Bucky, looking at Steve for an answer.

“I don’t know,” said Steve. “I’ve never been here. Oklahoma isn’t exactly a hot spot for attacks.”

“That’s not actually true,” said Tony with a yawn. He was exhausted from staying up all night talking to Rhodey before the colonel had to ship out again. “Their air force base is always a point of contention and they did have that one bombing back in 1995 which is still the worst attack on American soil by an American in modern history. So I wouldn’t discount it completely.”

“How do you know these things?” asked Bucky, amazed at how many facts Tony actually had stored away in his brain.

“Genius.”

“So…food?”

“I think there’s a burger place downtown that only stays open until two but has burgers to die for,” said Tony. “Let’s go there.”

The billionaire was right. The burgers were amazing. The joint was a bit shady looking at first glance, tucked onto a side street just outside of the main area across from a police station. The booths were cracked and faded, the menu stained with grease, but the service was good, the food was amazing, and the company was great. It was the first time in ages that the three of them had managed to go out to eat and not have people trying to sneak pictures of them or interrupting their meal. Either the people in Oklahoma didn’t recognize them, didn’t care, or were actually as generally polite as their reputation claimed. Whatever it was, all three were grateful to be able to pretend that they were normal for a while – whatever that meant.

After lunch they walked around the Oklahoma City Memorial, quietly reading the names of the survivors and then looking at each chair on the lawn.

“Why are they different sizes?” asked Bucky as they strolled casually along side the close cut green grass.

“The big ones are for the adults that died,” said a young woman who was just passing them, her brown hair in a messy ponytail, looking like she was in a rush, though she took the time to stop and talk to them. “The little ones are for the children. They are placed based on the floor they were on at the time.”

“Oh,” said Steve, unsure of how to react to the situation. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” said the girl with a bright smile. “If you have any other questions, just let me know.”

With that, the girl marched purposefully off the walk and onto the grass.

“Is she allowed to do that?” whispered Bucky. “I don’t think people are allowed on the grass.”

The girl knelt down on the ground next to a small chair not far from the three men.

“Hey kiddo,” said the girl softly – though not too quiet that the super soldiers couldn’t hear her - one hand resting on the chair. “Sorry it’s been a while. I went by your grave last week but I thought your chair could use some love.”

The girl went into a brief explanation of what she had been up to, what other people had been doing, and how much the child would have loved the weather.

“So I’m also thinking about visiting New York,” said the girl. “I want to do something crazy while I’m there. I know, I always do something crazy when I travel but I can’t help it, I need to have lots of stories to tell you when I see you again. Alright, well, I should be going, I’ll come back later.”

Rising, the girl turned to make her way out and saw the three men staring at her.

“Hello again,” said the girl with a shy smile. “Sorry about that. I know, I look crazy and I know he’s not there – it’s just a chair – but still.”

“Who is he?” asked Tony kindly, stepping forward.

“My best friend as a kid,” said the girl. “We went to day care together. I was sick the day of the bomb, my house shook. He wasn’t sick, he was here, and now he’s gone.”

“I’m sorry,” said Tony, truly sounding sorry.

“Don’t worry about it,” said the girl. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’m still sorry that it happened, that you had to experience such a loss so young.”

“Thank you,” said the girl. “It took me a long time to come to terms with it. Some days it’s still hard to understand why I was spared. But it got better and I realized that the best thing I can do is live my life to the fullest, try everything I possibly can because those kids, they didn’t get that chance.”

“My name is Tony,” said Tony. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

“Shane,” said the girl. “It’s nice to meet you too. Well, I have to be off. But it really was nice to meet you.”

“Wait, Shane,” said Tony. “I’m sorry but do you have any suggestions for a place to eat dinner for a couple of out-of-towners?”

“You should try Cattlemen’s,” said Shane. “It’s in the Stockyards across the river. Best stake there is, great service, a little pricey but totally worth it.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. So you aren’t from around here? That’s fun. Listen, I really do have to go but let me give you my number and you can call or text if you need anything while you’re here.”

Shane quickly programmed her number into Tony’s phone and left with a quick goodbye. 

“She was nice,” said Steve when they were once again meandering their way back to their house.

“Yeah,” said Bucky, throwing a casual arm over Tony’s shoulders, dragging the man closer. “Giving you her number like that. So kind. Hitting on you, more like.”

“Wow, you both are so out of touch,” said Tony. “She gave me her number, not the other way around, which means her offer was genuine. If she wanted to take it further she would have made sure to get mine in return.”

Steve laughed and sandwiched Tony between Bucky and himself, kissing the top of the billionaires head.

“Good,” said Bucky, leaning impossibly closer. “Because the only one I want hitting on you besides me is Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's taking forever for them to get together but I seem incapable of writing romance without the build up. But soon! 
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	11. Scared

In the end they decided to try the suggested steakhouse. It wasn’t a far drive from where they were staying and though they did have to wait because the place refused to take reservations the waiting area was nice and the company was good.

“I had a pet fish,” said Tony when they were finally seated at a table and had given their orders. “His name was Papa Jr. There was no Papa Senior. That’s just what his name was. I didn’t name him, either, but that’s not important. He was a pompous little brat of a fish that refused to die no matter how terrible of an owner I was and trust me when I tell you that I was a terrible owner. I can’t even keep a cactus alive and yet that fish lived in my apartment bedroom for three years, four months, and five days.”

“Impressive,” said Bucky. “I didn’t think you ever had a pet.”

“I didn’t growing up,” said Tony absently. “Howard didn’t allow pets because they are dirty. I got him the day my parents died as a sort of ‘fuck you too’ in their memory.”

“Oh,” said Steve. “Why didn’t you get another pet after the fish died?”

“Because I had a company and life and some people did not appreciate my fish staring at them when they were naked. I tried to explain that the fish didn’t understand that they were naked – hell fish are naked and don’t give a damn about us staring at them- but some people are weird.”

“I guess it would be a bit strange if Light Brigade watched us in bed,” said Steve.

“No, it wouldn’t be weird until we tried to touch Tony, then it would be weird,” said Bucky. “That dog would kill us for touching his human.”

“It’s Steve’s dog!” exclaimed Tony, ignoring the heavy hints Bucky was dropping because no, there was no way he was that lucky.

“But you’re his human,” said Bucky. 

Tony had nothing to say to that wished he had come up with something better to talk about besides his fish. Steve seemed to sense his discomfort and quickly changed the subject, starting in on old stories from the past, well before Tony was born. Those stories continued throughout dinner, easily letting Tony slip back into his usual comfort that came with these two men. By the time the three of them were back at the neighborhood taking Light Brigade for a walk in the crisp night air it seemed like no moment in time could possibly be better than that moment, like they were in their own world where nothing else could intrude, no bad things could happen. 

“Tony?” said Steve quietly when they reached a park and let Light Brigade off the leash to run around. 

“Yeah?” said Tony, watching the dog carefully, almost protectively, as if afraid he would run away and never come back – which was a silly thing to fear since it was Steve’s dog, not his.

“I need to talk to Bucky alone for a minute,” said Steve. “We’ll be just over there, okay?”

“Sure,” said Tony, his heart dropping. “I’ll be on this bench. I have things I need to check on anyway.”

Steve dragged Bucky off before the other could protest. They walked down a path until they were standing by some swings, far enough away for privacy but close enough that they could both still see Tony tapping away at his phone on the bench.

“What?” said Bucky a little harshly.

“Tony scares me,” said Steve.

“What?” said Bucky, this time in surprise.

“Tony scares me,” repeated Steve. “He scares me because he’s a mystery and the most certain thing I’ve ever had – save you. He’s reckless and crass and entirely too caring where he should be cold and insecure where he should be jaded. He should be so jaded, Bucky; the world and his life has given him every reason to be jaded. But he’s not, he’s scared and scarred and he doesn’t believe in the power of a good nights sleep over a cup of coffee. He’s the type of person who rides the highs that rival space and the lows that approach via cliffs. He’s passionate and guarded and his eyes could swallow galaxies. He terrifies me and it scares me even more that I’m in love with him.

“I’m in love with him, Bucky, and I’m in love with you, and I know I should want both of you but I can’t help it and I’m not being fair to you.”

“Hey, relax punk,” said Bucky soothingly, stepping into Steve’s space and taking him in his arms. “It’s okay. I know. Tony has that effect on me too.”

“He does?” said Steve, pulling back slightly to look at Bucky. “You’re not just saying that?”

“Have you met that infuriating bastard?” said Bucky with a smirk. “We never stood a chance. I’ve known it for ages, punk. Now we just need to convince him that we would never hurt him.”

“You really want to do this?” said Steve. “You are willing to try all of us together?”

“Steve, I love you,” said Bucky seriously. “You know that. You’ve known that since we were kids and that’s never going to change. But Tony, I see the way you look at him and I know how I look at him. We both want this and quite frankly, I’m pretty positive he wants this too.”

Steve smiled that smile that could melt an iceberg and kissed Bucky hard – all teeth and tongue and love. When they pulled apart they turned and walked back to Tony.

“Everything alright in paradise?” asked Tony, not looking up from his phone when they reached him.

“Yes,” said Steve,

“Let’s go watch some shitty movies,” said Bucky, plucking the phone out of the billionaires hands and slipping it into his own back pocket.

“Hey!” protested Tony, making grabby hands at Bucky. “Mine! Give it back!”

“We’re on a trip,” said Bucky, smiling and yanking Tony up. “The rest of the world can wait.”

Tony grumbled but whistled and Light Brigade came running back and wormed his way between Tony and Bucky to trot next to Tony. Bucky couldn’t even be mad because the dog was so adorable the way he had attached himself to Tony.

It was well after midnight when the door to Bucky and Steve’s bedroom burst open and Tony ran in. The super soldiers barely had time to register that it wasn’t a threat before Tony threw himself into Steve’s arms, sobbing and shaking.

“Make it stop,” begged Tony, hysterical and mostly asleep. “Please. You have to make it stop.”

“Make what stop, baby?” asked Steve, sitting up slightly while Tony did his best baby koala impersonation. 

“Her! Make her stop!” screamed Tony. “Please! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Sh,” said Bucky, sliding over so he was pressed against Tony’s back, effectively pinning the genius between the two soldiers. “You’re safe. You’re okay. We’ve got you.”

It took several minutes before Tony was aware enough of his surroundings to actually realize it had just been a dream. When he finally did understand where he was he felt embarrassed that he had run into Bucky and Steve’s room like a scared child.

“I’m sorry,” sniffed Tony, trying to disentangle himself from the other men unsuccessfully. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have barged in. I’ll just – um – yeah – I’m going to go.”

“No,” said Steve. “Stay.”

“But-“

“Nope,” said Bucky, nudging his chin up against Tony’s back, nosing the rough brown locks curled at the back of his neck. “No buts. You’re here. You stay. We sleep. Them the rules.”

Tony shook his head and tried to squirm away again which only encouraged the other males to tighten their hold on him.

“Sleep,” said Steve.

“Don’t worry, you’re not going anywhere,” said Bucky. 

Light Brigade ran into the room and jumped on the edge of the bed and settled down on Tony’s feet. The warm weight seemed to calm the genius and after several tense minutes Tony slipped into a light doze.

“This is going to be difficult, isn’t it?” whispered Steve, his heartbeat steady under Tony’s ear.

“Mhm,” agreed Bucky absently, his metal arm smoothing up and down Tony’s side. “But worth it.”


	12. Fluff

Steve got up early and made breakfast. When he slipped from the bed, Bucky woke briefly, grumbled at him for the early hour and then promptly went back to sleep. Tony didn’t even stir. Light Brigade followed Steve to go outside. 

The house remained silent for some time until finally Bucky and Tony wandered downstairs, properly woken by the smell of bacon and coffee. After three cups and four strips of bacon, Tony had woken up enough to look at his phone and find that he had missed a call from Clint. Without much thought, he put it on speaker and pressed play, resting his head on his arms, ready to ignore whatever Clint had to say.

“Hey Tony, it’s me, Clint, you know, your favorite archer slash only archer slash coolest person you know. You really should learn to pick up your phone so I don’t have to keep leaving you these epic voicemails, but maybe you secretly enjoy my messages and that’s why you always ignore my calls. At any rate, I called to tell you a story.

“Okay, so there I was in the public bathroom on the toilet just doing my business when this guy walks in and tries to open my stall door. I mean, it’s clearly locked, the only thing that would make it more clear is to have a flashing neon sign over it saying, “THIS STALL IS TAKEN! FIND A DIFFERENT ONE!” But does the idiot do that? No! He peeks through that gap between the door and wall and makes eye contact! Fucking eye contact! I mean, who does that? So, what do I do, you ask? Well, since you asked, I flashed him my 100 watt smile-yeah, I know, I’m already flashing him something else-and am all-

“Hey, you’ve got beautiful eyes,” real creepy like and I wink, trying to get him to leave. 

“Apparently that was the wrong thing to do because this bastard strikes up a conversation! He goes into the stall next to mine and starts talking as if we’re best friends! 

“He’s like, ‘Hey! So don’t you hate that awkward silence that happens when you’re trying to poop with a stranger next to you and you don’t want them to hear you going?’

“Of course, I don’t respond so I can hear the little splooshes of his poop nuggets hitting the water, which is gross but I’m like a ten year old who finds that funny as hell. Anyway, so he doesn’t get the hint and continues talking!

“He says, ‘Oh, I see what you did there. Hey did you know that in some country-I think it’s Japan-they have this button you can push that will make noises like a waterfall of cow or something for like 30 seconds so you can do your business in peace. Well, maybe not a cow sound because do they even have cows in Japan? I don’t know, but it makes noise is the point.’

“And seriously, the only thing I’m thinking is, Idiot! They have McDonalds in Japan, of course they have cows! They’re not going to import the meat! But of course I don’t say that because it wouldn’t be socially acceptable and we all know that I’m driver of the socially acceptable bandwagon. But really, who asks if there are cows in Japan while on the toilet, talking to a nonresponsive stranger in the stall next door? I mean, for all he knows I could have had a heart attack or stroke or aneurism or something and died! That would just add a whole new level of awkwardness to the situation. Then he’d be in a public bathroom, on the toilet, talking to a complete stranger, both of you with your pants around your ankles, and that stranger would be dead.

“Tony, if I died on the toilet I really hope they don’t put that on my tombstone. But I’m getting off topic here. Back to the bathroom.

“Finally, I just flush the toilet to shut him up and as I’m leaving he yells, ‘Have a nice day!’ and I’m like, ‘Okay….’

“Oh, and it turns out it was Japan that has the sound buttons in the bathrooms, I looked it up. Okay, well, have fun with the Buff Brigade!”

The voicemail ended and all three men stared at the phone in confusion.

“I’m switching Clint to decaf after 6pm,” declared Steve.

“That’s because you’re the devil,” replied Tony.

Steve raised an eyebrow at the genius but chose not to comment. 

“So what are we going to do today?” asked Bucky.

“The zoo!” said Tony, his face lighting up hopefully. “I hear they have a kick ass elephant enclosure. Seriously, I looked at pictures, it’s amazing. I’m pretty sure they are planning on making a monopoly on the elephant exhibit market. They are hoarding those creatures and gathering more from other places.”

“What would be the point in taking over all the captive elephants?” asked Bucky.

“Cuteness domination! Baby elephants are the cutest little things ever to exist and that includes blushing Steve.”

“What about pandas?” asked Steve, blushing at the compliment. “Pandas are pretty adorable.”

“Pandas are an evolutionary dead end. They have opposable thumbs but do nothing with them except eat. And they eat the least nutritious diet ever. And they have to be forced to reproduce. They have so much potential and they waste it! I’m pretty sure that humans are the pandas of the universe.”

“We’re evolutionary dead ends?” 

“No, the aliens look on us and say, ‘How cute! They have such potential and they are wasting it but damn they are adorable.’”

Bucky laughed, yawned, then stood up.

“Okay, zoo it is,” said Bucky. “But first a shower. Anyone care to join me?”

Tony blushed and looked down at the table, instantly closing off to the world like a door slamming shut. Steve shook his head, indicating that he was going to stay with Tony and work on opening him back up. It was like taking three steps forward and two and a half steps back but they were slowly making progress.

“Okay,” said Bucky with a shrug. “If Clint calls again, ignore it and save the voicemail. I don’t want to miss that. Be done in ten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to write something fluffy and goofy.


	13. And there was Red

The zoo was a hit. Tony ran around like a little kid, bouncing from exhibit to exhibit, exclaiming about how cool each animal was, naming them things that were definitely not their names, and then rattling off various obscure facts about the animals. Steve and Bucky just followed along and soaked up this side of Tony, the side they were pretty sure only Colonel Rhodes had seen before.

“Do you think he’s ever had a boyfriend before?” asked Steve as they looked at the tiger, Tony leaning as far over the rail as he could to get a better look.

“If you’re talking about me, yes, I have,” called Tony over his shoulder. “It didn’t end well.”

Steve paused. Tony didn’t seem mad or upset or even offended; he seemed as relaxed as he had been since they arrived.

“What happened?” asked Steve.

“He drowned in a bowl of lime jello,” said Tony. “The papers reported it as natural causes, but I know the truth. I was 17 and he was 19, the first guy I met who even came close to my level of intelligence. Lime is the worst flavor of jello, so green and sour while trying to be sweet, it overwhelms your tongue and makes you wonder who would ever think it was a good idea to make lime a jello flavor.

“How did he drown in jello?” asked Bucky.

“The authorities, when they arrived, tried not to laugh because the situation, while morbid, was funny,” replied Tony, more lost in thought than anything else, as if he had forgotten anyone was listening, busy reflecting on a time years ago. “There he sat at the scarred kitchen table in his tattered blue boxers that said ‘Game on!’, face-down in a bowl of partially liquefied green sugary mess. The autopsy came back inconclusive but I know what happened. I told him the jello wasn’t for him but he ate it anyway. The saran wrap that had been placed in the middle never touched his teeth and stuck in his throat because who chews jello? I told him the jello wasn’t for him, or was it the tomatoes I said were off limits?”

“Tony?” asked Steve cautiously. “Did you kill your boyfriend?”

“What?” asked Tony, turning to Steve and jerking out of his thoughts. “No. I’m not crazy. I don’t even make jello. Jello is gross. His ex-girlfriend made it.”

“You probably should have started with that, darlin’,” said Bucky with a grin. “It sounded like you were the one who killed him.”

“I don’t hurt the people I care about,” replied Tony darkly.

He wandered off into the bamboo forest that wound through the cat area, leaving the two super soldiers to either follow or get left behind. The opted to follow, catching up with Tony just outside of the zoo gates and piling into the car together. Steve was the driver, Bucky up front next to him, and Tony settled in the back behind Bucky.

The zoo was right across from a horse racing track.

“We should totally go there!” said Tony excitedly, pointing out the window at the massive structure while Steve drove. “We could dress up and everything! I’ve always wanted to do that, go to a horse race in old timey clothes and make posh conversation. Pepper thought it was stupid.”

“Maybe we can go tomorrow,” offered Steve, glancing in the rearview mirror in time to see Tony smile a little hopefully. “I haven’t dressed up in a while. Could be fun.”

Before Tony could respond, there was an earsplitting screech and jolt before their rented car was tumbling and spinning off course – which was strange because Tony knew Steve was a responsible driver when he had passengers. Especially if one of those passengers was Bucky. Steve never drove crazy when Bucky was involved.

Next thing Tony knew, there was red and someone was screaming – he thought it might be Bucky - but sirens were drowning out the words and the red was drowning out the sirens. Something was crushing his chest but not in the way that the arc reactor used to do and it hurt his ears more than his cries – which didn’t make any sense but it was happening. But then Bucky – it was totally Bucky - shut up and that was black – Tony was pretty sure it was black – and made him wish for the noise to distract from all the red.

There was a lot a red. Too much red. No one should ever be surrounded by that much red – and that was coming from Iron Man, the red and gold boy wonder. 

But then Tony was moving – at least he thought he was moving, it was rather difficult to tell what was actually moving and what was just in his head - and it filled his vision with blue but that was the sky because Tony was still red. Something started poking him but it was dull and all the red blocked it out. And suddenly Tony missed the black of the ground because black hid the red so much better but it also reminded him of the screaming stopped. Something else poked him but all Tony could see was still red and the red was swallowing him so he couldn’t tell where he was going but he knew he was alone. 

Then the black at the corners of his eyes began fighting the red that surrounded his vision and brain but the red was winning and Tony didn’t know who to cheer for. Because he was red though he could have sworn he wore white that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are some good terms of endearment?


	14. Break Out

Tony had explained to them one drunken night that his mother had been beautiful when she was young but by the time he came around life or her husband – he wasn’t sure which – had sapped the beauty from her. It was strange, but sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, staring at the faded mustard yellow walls, Steve couldn’t help but think that those walls must be similar to Tony’s mother. They had to have been pretty at one point but had long ago lost their appeal and it seemed no one had the heart or time to change them. Or perhaps no one noticed anymore.

“He’s going to be fine,” said Bucky, pacing back and forth, his forehead held together by a thick bandage, the rest of his bruises already fading from sight. 

“Yeah,” said Steve dully because there was nothing else to say; they both knew that the only thing they could be certain of was the fact that Tony was not fine.

“Family of Tony Stark?” called a doctor, not looking up from his notes because if he had he would have known that the long term waiting room – the one with the ugly yellow walls that they shoved those waiting for people in surgery – was occupied by only two men.

“How is he?” asked Steve, standing up.

“I’m sorry,” said the doctor, looking around the room for the first time. “I can only offer that information to those he has listed in his file. Are either of you James Rhodes, Steve Rogers, or James Barnes?”

“I’m Steve Rogers,” said Steve instantly.

“I’m James Barnes,” said Bucky. “How is he?”

“He’ll live,” said the doctor. “He’s very lucky or very stubborn, I’m not sure which it is, but he held on after massive blood loss and flat lining on the table twice. Several broken bones, many stitches, a mild concussion, and hours later, Mr. Stark is alive and resting. You may see him for a short time if you like.”

“Thank you,” said Steve. “Is there any way we could take him home? He would have access to a doctor but he doesn’t do hospitals well.”

“Excuse me?” asked the doctor.

“He has a thing with hospitals,” said Bucky in his rumbling tone that did not allow arguments. “They stress him out. We had transportation waiting for us on the roof. We’re from out of town. So if you would sign off saying he’s allowed to leave, we can take him home to get better.”

“That’s not how this works,” said the doctor. “You may be on his medical release forms but only James Rhodes has the authority to allow something like that. Since neither of you are James Rhodes, you may go visit your friend and then leave for the night without him.”

“That’s not going to work,” said Steve.

Suddenly, Light Brigade came skidding into the waiting room, jumping all over Steve and Bucky, sniffing the doctor, trying to locate his human.

“Of course Tony would pick a dog that refuses to listen to anyone,” yelled Rhodey, running into the room, leash in hand, panting. “Light Brigade, you mangy mutt get back here!”

“Rhodey!” said Steve, turning desperate eyes on the colonel. “Tell this man that Tony’s not staying here.”

“Of course he’s not staying here,” said Rhodey, confused as he wrestled with Light Brigade to get the leash on him.

“Sir, you can’t have that dog in here,” said the doctor.

“I know, sorry,” said Rhodey with a rueful grin. “But he’s Tony’s and since Tony will be leaving now I had to go get his dog. He’d be heartbroken if this thing got left behind.”

“Who are you?” demanded the doctor. “My patient is not going anywhere.”

“I’m Colonel James Rhodes,” said Rhodey, standing up to his full height and glaring at the doctor. “I just spent the last seven hours flying here from my assignment with the Air Force because my best friend got in a car accident. I have been awake for almost 48 hours, I do not have time for this shit. Now I assure you that I would never risk Tony’s life because it’s my job to look out for him and take care of him, it’s his job to be self destructive, so rest assured that there will be many doctor visits in his near future. But I am taking him with me now. So either sign the damn papers or wait and bring the full wrath of the overprotective Avengers team down on her head. I don’t care which.”

“Where is this doctor you all keep claiming will be involved?” asked the doctor weakly.

“He’s upstairs waiting for us,” said Steve. “Why don’t I take you to him and introduce the two of you? That way you can exchange notes or something?”

Steve wrapped a long arm around the doctors shoulders and ushered him to the stairs, leaving Bucky and Rhodey to locate Tony.

Tony was asleep in a private room, hooked up to a heart monitor, IV, and not much else, covered in plaster and bandages and looking impossibly small on the hospital bed. For a moment, Rhodey and Bucky just stared at him.

“This is going to be your life now,” said Rhodey, staring at Tony. “You realize that, right? If you date him, he’s going to end up in the hospital again, it’s what he does. Are you prepared for that?”

“You’re not going to scare me off, Colonel,” said Bucky. “Tony’s a pain in the ass but damn if he’s not the best the world has to offer.”

“You’re telling me,” said Rhodey with a small smile. “Alright, let’s bust this pain in the ass out of here before he wakes up and has a panic attack.”

Light Brigade jumped onto the bed with Tony and splayed out down the side of the bed like a long furry blanket. Rhodey and Bucky detached the unnessasary heart monitor and breaks and wheeled the bed, IV, and broken man down the hall, up the elevator, and to the waiting jet. There they loaded Tony onto the personal bed waiting, returned the stolen hospital bed, and waited for Bruce and Rhodey to finish bullying the doctor into letting Tony leave.

Awareness came back slowly, painfully, as if each cell in his body felt compelled to make it’s presence known. By the time his brain was firing at partial speed, Tony remembered what had happened. The zoo. Promises to dress in period clothing. The car spinning – which Steve would never allow, so maybe he dreamed that bit. Red. The screaming. The screaming that stopped. More red.

But the screaming had stopped. Tony could put aside the red – he was clearly not dead because he planned on being greeted by fire and brimstone and a throne with his name on it – but the screaming had stopped. If it stopped, then the one screaming died. Which meant the moment Tony opened his eyes he would discover which one of his best friends he would have to live without.

“Nope,” groaned Tony. “Not awake.”

There was a soft chuckle near his right ear and a hand smoothing his hair.

“You’re not wrong,” laughed Steve, his voice sounding on the verge of tears or exhaustion. “You’re not supposed to be awake yet. The doctor said you’d be out for several more hours.”

“Not the boss of me,” mumbled Tony, fighting to get his eyes open, blinking against the dim light that felt entirely too bright to his eyes.

Steve’s smiling face swam into view after several seconds, followed by the shaggy brown hair of his counter part.

“Wait,” said Tony weakly. “You’re both alive? But…but the screaming. There was screaming…and it stopped.”

“We’re alive,” assured Bucky. “We’ll explain everything when you’re more awake. Right now we’re on our way back to New York. We figured you’d want out of the hospital.”

“You’re not Rhodey,” said Tony dumbly. “Rhodey can break me out of hospitals. Not you.”

“We just dropped Rhodey off at base,” said Steve. “He’s sorry he couldn’t stay but he sorta left without permission in the first place.”

“Oh.”

Tony closed his eyes. Being awake and talking was way more work than he thought it would be. His body seemed like on large bag of hurt and his brain could not seem to process all the readings it was getting. He really just wanted to be home with JARVIS and in a bed – but not his bed.

“Don’t worry, you’re staying with us until you decide to leave,” said Bucky, confirming that Tony had said that last part out loud.

“Kidnapping,” mumbled Tony, mostly asleep again.

“Some call it stalking, I call it love,” quipped Bucky, but Tony couldn’t be sure if the assassin actually said that or if his pain and medication addled brain had made it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I'm looking for terms of endearment is because I want something cute to call Tony but I sorta suck at cute names. I am trying to avoid super cheesy or overused ones. 
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	15. Stay

When he woke up for good, Tony knew he wasn’t in his own bed. He knew it wasn’t his bed because his bed smelled like new sheets and sleepless nights. This bed smelled like comfort and love and Steve and Bucky. He shouldn’t know that.

Opening his eyes confirmed his suspicion and the warm colors of the bedroom didn’t assault his eyes in the painful way that hospital walls always did. But his body ached in a way that was not pleasant and indicated that he should probably be in the hospital, so he had to wonder why he wasn’t – not that he was going to complain.

“Oh, you’re awake,” said Steve, entering the room with a bowl of steaming soup that he probably made himself.

He set the soup on the bedside table before sitting gently on the edge of the bed.

“How are you feeling?” asked Steve.

“Like I got hit by a car,” said Tony, his voice rough from disuse.

“Well, you did,” said Steve, wincing slightly and offering Tony a cup of cool water.

Tony’s hands shook too much to hold the cup, so Steve assisted, then put the glass back down and picked up the soup.

“You hungry?”

“No,” mumbled Tony. “Tired.”

“You should sleep then,” said Steve. “You can eat when you wake up. Just take it easy for now.”

Tony nodded and closed his eyes, feeling entirely too overwhelmed to deal with anything at that moment. The door to the bedroom opened and before he could peek to see if Steve left, Bucky’s voice sounded in the room.

“He awake?” asked Bucky softly.

“No,” said Steve, gazing down at Tony with a soft smile. “He was for a few minutes but he wasn’t exactly with it. I got him to drink some water before he fell back asleep.”

Bucky kissed Steve’s hair, also looking at the man in their bed.

“Rhodey called,” said Steve, looking up at Bucky, who stood behind him with his arms around his shoulders. “Everything worked out on his end.”

“Good, I’d hate for him to get in trouble over this. It would kill Tony if he caused that man any strife. So when do you think we should talk to him about us?”

“Not until he’s better.”

“Really?” said Bucky, pulling back in mild disapproval. “I really think it should be sooner. It’s been building up to this for a while and you know Tony, he needs some time to process. He doesn’t do feelings well.”

Tony inwardly flinched, wishing he truly was asleep so he wouldn’t hear them talking about asking him to leave them alone.

“I don’t want to pressure him,” insisted Steve. “Bucky, he’s been through so much. You really think he’s ready for another relationship right now? And a relationship with us? That’s going to cause a lot of scandal. I can’t put him through that.”

“Darlin, he wouldn’t be facing it alone,” said Bucky. “Like we would ever let that happen. Come on, at least let’s talk to him, see where he stands with the idea.”

“Okay,” said Steve.

Tony turned on his side because he felt comfortable there. Or, he tried to turn on his side but the moment he moved, flames of pain went licking through his entire body. He groaned and breathed hard, but the pain was consuming and he couldn’t focus on anything but the hurt that was radiating through his entire being, forcing his eyes to water and ears to roar.

“Sh, that’s it, just breathe,” came a soft tone as a hand smoothed his hair down. “I know, I know it hurts but you’re okay.”

“Ow,” whimpered Tony, leaning into the hand on his head as well as the one stroking his shoulder, seeking out the warmth to ease the pain.

“You back with us?” asked Steve softly.

“No,” groaned Tony. “Make it stop, Steve. You’re Captain America, order it to stop. Please.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” said Steve. “I need you to take these pills. They are going to make it better.”

“No.”

“Come on, kotenok,” said Bucky. “If you take these now I promise to take you to the workshop before Bruce says you can go.”

Tony thought about it for a while then opened his mouth. Steve rolled his eyes fondly and placed the pills in Tony’s mouth, propping him up while Bucky put the straw in his mouth to help him swallow. Tony obediently did as asked.

“Now workshop?” asked Tony, blinking up at Bucky.

“No, kotenok,” laughed Bucky. “Not yet.”

“But….you said,” said Tony.

“And I will make good on the promise I swear,” said Bucky. “After a nap. And after you agree to date Steve and me.”

Tony blinked slowly, first at Bucky, then at Steve, almost as if he were waiting for one of them to back out or start laughing or something. But they didn’t, they looked serious and nervous – Steve – and Tony really wanted them to be not joking.

“I thought you were going to tell me that you didn’t want me around anymore,” whispered Tony.

“Never,” said Steve.

“So what do you say?” said Bucky. “If you let us, I swear we will be the best you’ve ever had. We will never hurt you and it’s okay if you want to take this whole thing slow. But please say yes.”

Tony yawned and curled into them slightly, humming in contentment. He could pretend this wasn’t a dream and when he woke up from his drug and pain induced sleep he could deal with the repercussions. Maybe. Possibly. Okay, no he couldn’t but down he wanted this so badly.

“Okay,” said Tony. “Sleep now. Workshop after. Boyfriends, yes. Now we sleep?”

“Sure, now you sleep,” said Steve.

“No, stay,” said Tony, reaching out blindly with both hands, ignoring the dulling pain to latch onto the only two things that were consistent in his life.

“Always,” whispered Bucky, curling around Tony as if he was trying to give him a hug with his entire body. “Go to sleep, we’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it was the slowest of builds, but they got there!


	16. Want This

When he woke again, the pain was considerably less, he was warm, and he had zero intention of ever leaving the safe haven that was the bed.

“You’re going to have to leave if you want to go to the workshop,” said Bucky with a grin.

“Medicine makes me talk out loud,” mumbled Tony.

“I think you mean think out loud but yes, it does,” said Steve from his other side. “It’s endearing.”

Tony forced his eyes opened and decided that being awake was better than being asleep if he was going to be greeted by two super soldiers. 

“So what happened?” asked Tony. 

“We got hit by a car,” said Steve.

“But how?”

“It came out of nowhere,” said Steve, looking guilty. “The guy swerved around a car that had stopped and hit us on your side. I thought – I thought we lost you.”

“But there was screaming,” said Tony. “Someone was screaming and then they stopped.”

“That was my fault,” admitted Bucky. “I sorta had a Winter Soldier moment with the guy driving the other car. After he hit us, he got out and was yelling as if it was our fault he was an idiot. He kept yelling and screaming and you weren’t responding. There was so much blood, and I lost it. I knocked the guy out, which is why the screaming stopped. Sorry.”

“Oh.”

Steve and Bucky waited, knowing that Tony wasn’t done asking questions yet. The billionaire was processing everything, the entire ordeal going slower because of the medicine he was on.

“So you guys are okay?” asked Tony. 

“Yes, just a few bruises that are already healed,” said Steve.

“Good. Then what about me?”

“A few broken ribs,” reported Bucky. “Broken wrist, hand, and radius. Sprained ankle. Mild concussion. Multiple gashes. But in a month or so you should be back to your fully functional annoyingly brilliant self.”

Tony nodded. He could work with that.

“Workshop?” asked Tony.

“Shower first,” said Bucky. “Steve will make you breakfast while you get cleaned up. Then we can go to the workshop.”

“So many conditions,” grumbled Tony.

“It’ll be worth it,” said Steve, kissing the side of Tony’s head, relishing in the ability to show such casual affection to the billionaire. 

Bucky helped Tony to the bathroom. Once there, panting a bit, Tony leaned against the counter and took a good look at himself in the mirror. He looked a mess. His face was bruised, eyes dark with exhaustion, he looked thinner than he remembered, and the massive cast on his right arm was bulky. He was wearing an oversized shirt – probably Bucky’s – and a pair of his own sleep pants. The shower was only a few feet away but it seemed impossibly far and even more impossible with a cast on his dominant hand.

“Here we go,” said Bucky, easily slipping the large shirt off of Tony without bothering his ribs. “Now I’m going to unwrap your ribs. We can rewrap them after you’re clean. Do you want help?”

Tony shook his head. Bucky unwrapped his ribs, covered his cast, then left a clean towel on the counter before exiting the room, promising to be just in the bedroom if he needed anything.

The shower was more difficult than Tony had anticipated. His arm was beginning to ache, his ankle shook with trying to hold his weight, breathing was more painful without the wrap, and not using his dominant hand was throwing everything off. Plus, it wasn’t his shower, so while someone (Steve) had been thoughtful enough to go fetch his things from his bathroom, it was not set up the way he was used to, the shampoo not on the little shelf near the corner, the soap not on the holder dangling on the wall under the spout. Eventually, Tony sat down in defeat and let the water run over his body, avoiding his head because he didn’t like water hitting his head continuously. 

“Sir?” asked JARVIS after several minutes. “If I may, Mister Barnes is requesting entrance.”

“Whatever,” mumbled Tony, leaning his head back against the warm tiles, eyes closed. 

Bucky opened the door, spotted the genius on the floor in defeat, and promptly stripped down to his boxers before stepping into the warm spray, picking up the shampoo, and began washing Tony’s hair.

“I hate this,” said Tony softly, leaning into the touch, eyes still closed. “I can’t even shower on my own. I’m a burden.”

“It’ll get better,” said Bucky firmly. “It’s only been three days.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“You’re my boyfriend, I want to.”

“Thought that was a dream.”

“Naw, you’re not that creative.”

“You guys are screwed,” said Tony. “I’m a mess. You deserve better. I’m just going to fuck this up.”

“I doubt that,” said Bucky, finishing the hair and helping Tony stand back up. “Come on, Steve has to be done by now at least with the coffee.”

“Thank you, Bucky,” whispered Tony, leaning heavily on the assassin.

“Not a problem, kotenok,” replied Bucky with a grin. 

After getting Tony dry, wrapped, and into a clean shirt and pants (Steve and Bucky’s respectively), Bucky helped Tony hobble to the common kitchen where Steve and the rest of the Avengers were waiting with breakfast and coffee.

“Coffee!” said Tony, perking up at the sight of the steaming mug waiting at his spot.

“Yup, he’s going to be fine,” confirmed Clint. “Good to see you up and about, man.”

“No workshop for at least another week,” said Bruce sternly. “And after that no building with the big tools until that cast is off. And no, that’s doesn’t mean you can cut the cast off yourself, Tony. If you try I will drag your ass back to SHIELD medical and leave you to them.”

“You wouldn’t!” protested Tony, eyes wide.

“Don’t worry, Bruce,” said Bucky easily. “Tony will not cut any cast off.”

Tony grinned smugly, noticing that Bucky didn’t mention not going to the workshop. Steve looked a little uneasy about deceiving the doctor but he didn’t spoil the fun.

After breakfast, as promised, Bucky brought Tony to the workshop. Light Brigade had made himself at home with the bots, all of them running around Tony in delight. Tony smiled – truly smiled – at the commotion. All the tension and build up seemed to seep out of his shoulders and he sat on the ground. Light Brigade sat behind Tony, letting the human lean back against him for support while Dummy, You, and Butterfingers inspected their creator. Bucky sat on one of the benches with Steve and just watched Tony in his element. 

“Alright kids,” said Tony, addressing his bots fondly. “That’s enough, go clean up the mess you’ve made.”

The bots hummed in disappointment but went to do as told. Steve lifted Tony up and over to the couch where the three of them sat.

“So dating,” said Tony, unable to take the silence.

“Yes, we’re doing that,” said Bucky with a wicked grin. “No take backs. You said you would date us, so now you’re stuck with us.”

“I think it’s the other way around,” said Tony. “But I want to set up some rules right now.”

“Fair enough,” said Steve. 

“I don’t do relationships,” said Tony. “I’m going to forget dates and anniversaries and birthdays.”

“We’ll remind you,” said Steve. “I’m not worried about it.”

“I don’t always make it to bed on time.”

“We don’t need as much sleep as other people,” said Bucky. “Next?”

“I don’t like yelling,” said Tony softly. “I don’t want to always fight. I am clingy and needy and I will do anything for you both but I can’t do this if all we do is fight.”

“There are going to be arguments,” said Bucky. “But I promise that I will try not to yell.”

“I promise to have fewer fights than we do good times,” said Steve.

Tony nodded, getting tired again from all the action and effort he had put forth in the morning.

“I want this,” admitted Tony, curling into Steve, his legs finding their way onto Bucky’s lap.

“Then you have it,” said Steve, kissing the top of Tony’s messy but clean hair. “Now rest.”

“Bossy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pure fluff because....fluff. Thankful for the fluff.  
> Kotenok means "my kitten" in Russian (pretty sure). I am supposed to translate that for you lot. I settled on that because I like the idea of another language and it's cute.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	17. The List

Steve was called away to talk to Fury about some thing or another – whatever it was it probably wasn’t nearly as important as Fury thought it was – which left Bucky there when Tony woke up from his nap. Bucky helped Tony get settled in one of his spinning chairs then sat back on the couch and pulled out a book, essentially leaving Tony to his own devices while still providing supervision if needed.

Tony decided to make a list. He was vaguely aware that Bucky was still in the room but the assassin didn’t pose a threat, so he dismissed it from his mind. It was difficult to work with his right hand bound up, so a list seemed appropriate.

“Okay, JARVIS,” said Tony, sitting back and closing his eyes. “Open my list file.”

“What would you like to work on?” asked JARVIS, allowing a slew of titles to appear floating around Tony.

“What’s ‘Bucky and Steve’?” asked Bucky, reaching up and tapping the title.

“That’s not –“ began Tony, stopping when the list appeared.

Pro’s of Bucky and Steve

1\. They are tall so they can reach the top shelf. (Being short is the worst. Note to self – make thruster boots for regular shoes)  
2\. Steve has beautiful eyes. I’m pretty sure if he and Chris Pine got together and had a baby that child would destroy the world with it’s pure blue eyes.   
3\. Bucky has the coolest arm ever. I need one. Note to self – upgrades for arm are due. Talk to Bucky about possibly making different arms that he can swap if he wants.  
4\. They are both strong. They can lift things up…like cars and shit. That could come in handy.  
5\. Bucky has a wicked sense of humor.   
6\. Steve says no to me. All. The. Time. (I like the challenge)  
7\. They like shitty monster movies.  
8\. They are both space heaters.  
9\. They smell nice.  
10\. They talk to JARVIS the correct way (Fury does not)

Con’s of Bucky and Steve

1\. …..

The con list was empty. Bucky stared at it, at the blank space where the con list was supposed to be but nothing appeared.

“JARVIS, put it away,” said Tony quietly.

The file disappeared.

“Tony,” said Bucky.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” said Tony quickly, blushing. “I was drunk, Pepper was out of town and I was waiting for her to call but it was hours after she said she would call and I was bored so I made a list. Everyone on the team has them, I swear. I’m pretty sure I made every combination of them as I could, too. It’s not –“

“Hey, calm down,” said Bucky, rubbing Tony’s arm soothingly – when had he moved from the couch? “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” said Tony, starting to panic. “You weren’t supposed to see that! It’s stupid!”

“It’s adorable,” said Bucky. “I love that you have a list. I’m sad it’s so short but I think we can fix that. But trust me, this isn’t something to be upset over. Okay?”

Tony nodded mutely, looking up at Bucky dumbly. 

“Good,” said Bucky with a grin, leaning down and kissing Tony’s forehead. “Now next time you think I’m going to be upset, can you ask me before you send yourself into a panic attack?”

Tony nodded again before burying his face in Bucky’s stomach, shaking slightly, either from exhaustion, pain, or mild shock he wasn’t sure.

“Okay, that’s enough workshop for today,” said Bucky. “Let’s go get some lunch. Sound like a plan?”

“Okay,” said Tony. 

In the common living room, Bucky sat on the couch with Tony, the television playing softly in the background, Bruce cooking in the kitchen, Clint and Natasha playing the same game on their GameBoys, some racing game that involved bananas.

As the afternoon wore on, Tony leaned more and more against Bucky, finding the constant heat that radiated off the super soldier soothing on his sore body. When Bucky put his metal arm around Tony’s shoulders, pulling him closer, the gentle thrum of the mechanics further calmed Tony down, settling the constant pit of nervous that thrived in the billionaires stomach whenever anyone got close.

“I’ve got some soup,” said Bruce, walking into the room with steaming bowls on a tray. 

“He’s mostly sleeping right now,” said Bucky softly. 

“He really needs to eat,” said Bruce.

“Not hungry,” said Tony softly.

“Tony, you know you have to eat if you want to get your strength back,” said Bruce. “Come on, you can sleep after.”

“No,” grumbled Tony, turning farther into Bucky as if to hide. “Not hungry.”

“Leave it,” said Bucky, talking over Tony’s head to the scientist. “I’ll handle it.”

Bruce nodded and went back to the kitchen to clean up.

“Hey, kotenok,” said Bucky softly, looking down at Tony who was clearly unsettled and upset. “I know you’re tired but you need to eat.”

“Not hungry,” said Tony.

“Why?”

Tony shrugged his good shoulder and didn’t look up. He winced and clenched his eyes shut as his stomach rolled. Bucky put the rumble and rapid swallowing together and sighed.

“You feeling sick?” asked Bucky softly.

He knew it was a possibility. Rhodey and Bruce had both warned him that Tony was prone to getting mild fevers when he was sick. The fever coupled with pain made him nauseous. Unfortunately, the only thing that ever seemed to help was getting Tony to eat something easy, like soup, but that was a struggle normally only Steve could accomplish.

“Hey Clint?” said Bucky, looking up again at the archer.

“Yeah?” said Clint, not looking up from his game. “Yeah, take that, Nat!”

“Can you call Steve and tell him we need him here now?”

Clint paused his game and looked up. It only took him a moment to take in the steaming soup, Tony’s pained face, and the miserable ball of genius that was doing his best to become one with Bucky’s side and realize exactly what was happening.

“Got it,” said Clint.

He still felt bad that Tony had suffered for so long without him stepping in that if he could do this one thing to make Tony a little less miserable then he would. Even if it meant losing to Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched the trailer.....I promised myself I wouldn't but I did and then I needed some more fluff because....because that trailer.....no. So yes, Tony and Bucky bonding. Maybe Steve and Tony bonding next.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	18. Nightmares

Steve arrived quickly and traded spots with Bucky, who was quickly called away by Coulson to handle the most recent bout of paperwork the super soldier had not filled out correctly.

 

“Hey,” said Steve softly, pulling Tony closer and leaning back against the couch cushions. “How you feelings?”

 

“Not hungry,” said Tony miserably.

 

“You’ll feel better if you eat something,” promised Steve.

 

Tony shook his head.

 

“Is your arm hurting?”

 

Tony nodded, trying to force back the tears of pain, hating feeling so weak and helpless and sick. The last time he had been sick was when he was with Pepper and she hadn’t believed him, forcing him to go to a weeklong conference across the world where he spent almost every waking moment fighting back the urge to vomit or faint, depending on the moment.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” said Steve, truly sound sorry. “Tell you what, if you eat two bites of soup then I will convince Bruce to give you the good pain medicine.”

 

After a moment of debate, a sharp pain echoed through Tony’s arm, convincing the genius to take the deal even though he didn’t want to eat.

 

“Good choice,” said Steve with a smile, pulling the bowl of soup up and settling Tony more comfortably against him, covering them both with a blanket while he was at it, knowing how poorly Tony felt with the fever. “Now you let me do the work. You close your eyes and just relax.”

 

“I can do it myself,” insisted Tony, even as he let his eyes drift shut.

 

“I know but your arm is broken and I’d rather like to avoid wearing the soup, which is what would happen if you try to use your left hand while laying like this.”

 

Tony grumbled but obligingly opened his mouth when Steve nudged the spoon against it. Half of the bowl later and Tony’s stomach was settled. Steve held true to his word and got Tony the good pain medication, which put the billionaire to sleep. Clint and Natasha continued to play their GameBoy’s while JARVIS turned on a quiet movie. Steve shifted on the couch so that he was laying down with Tony mostly on his chest, the injured limbs slightly elevated, relieving pressure.

 

Steve was content, happy to have Tony close, and when Bucky returned and snuggled in between Tony and the couch, sandwiching the genius in their warmth, the soldiers fell asleep.

 

_He was hungry._

 

_He padded through the dark woods, glimpses of moon-light filtered through trees caught on his dark jacket and were absorbed, were devoured as ravenously by this infinite coat of darkness as his victims were by his monstrous strength._

 

_His nose, peerless tool, quivered and trembled in a way that would have been amusing if it wasn't seeking out death. On the air were traces of nature, stale now- for all natural things had sensed his arrival and fled his savagery- and the strong, strange, overpowering scent not like anything else. It was a smell that had not existed in nature before mankind decided to take over._

 

_The girls crowded together as they walked, two sisters and a friend who were not even his targets, laughing off their fear, none of them mentioning how it all sounded more shrill and high pitched than usual. Nearly two decades into life and they knew everything, lived at leisure, only stirring themselves occasionally and even then just to perform a paltry task titled "chore" and bemoan their poor lot in life before going out on nights like this and make the most of the darkness. They were like ones kept in a glass box, immaculately preserved from any harm or blemish that might have afflicted them outside. Choice meats, it is certain._

_Easy targets._

 

_Their ancient instincts were almost gone, a casualty of evolution but nevertheless warned them vaguely of their danger. Like a broken alarm clock or a fire drill, this had happened many times before, each time proving incorrect yet causing awareness of an unknown and uncontrollable danger that lurked somewhere on the earth, carrying the possibility of death and destruction. Or perhaps their ancient instincts were still intact, just dull from disuse much like their muscles._

 

_Whatever the case, these instincts left over from the animal-days told them to be frightened, but not to be silent. So they chattered on, ignoring their fear. Their words ebbed and flowed like the ocean waves, sometimes powerful, crashing into each other, other times softer, almost whispered, but they still talked. It was as if they thought talking would fight away their instincts._

 

_Silence would have been useless. He could hear them now, but he could not have missed them, even if their ungainly feet had become softly padded, and their proudly erect posture had been abandoned for the easy speed and balance of four feet. He knew their scent now, and never again would he mistake it for anything else. He heard the soft thud of their impractical clacking shoes on the paved path, he listened to them speak unceasingly in a language he once knew._

 

_Ravenously hungry._

 

_The girls were a mile and a half from the safety of their camp, a rented cabin made to look rustic that their families shared for the weekend. They had wanted to go on a moonlit walk, feeling an unfamiliar urge to appreciate gorgeous nature and as a result embarking upon an unfamiliar path, heedlessly unaware of the dangers of the woods at night._

 

_A mile and a half from their camp, and no one to hear them scream._

 

_He slid from the safety of the trees onto the paved path, creeping silently behind them. He knew they would not hear him, nor would they sense or smell him. He could overtake them at his leisure, following ten feet away and directly behind the middle one in their huddle, for no one could outrun him._

 

_"My toe still hurts," one of the girls whined, her long loosely curled hair swinging to waft her enticing scent towards him._

 

_"That's why you have that walking stick," the practical girl pointed out, sounding as if she had said such a thing multiple times before, clearly the oldest and wisest of them all._

 

_"Let's turn back," the whiny girl suggested._

 

_"Yes, we must be ten miles away by now," said the other girl._

 

_"We need to get back before the bonfire," added the practical one._

 

_Having successfully verbally excused their unexplainable fears, they turned, only to find themselves facing them all over again._

 

_He was the stuff of nightmares, teeth barred in a feral grin, a growl in his throat the merest echo of which made the very marrow of their bones quiver._

 

_His hunger was satisfied that night, a mile and a half from their camp and no one to hear them scream._

 

With a gasp, Bucky woke, trembling from the nightmare.

 

The living room was dark, signaling that he had been asleep for several hours. Steve was still asleep but Tony was not, the billionaire looking up at Bucky owlishly, clearly trying to decide if the nightmare was because of him and if it was, how he was going to escape before things got out of hand.

 

“You okay?” asked Tony at last, settling on trying to help even if it scared him because Bucky could be pissed at him.

 

“Winter Soldier nightmare,” said Bucky gruffly.

 

“Oh,” said Tony. “Did you know that I spent 3 months in Afghanistan once?”

 

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “You don’t like to talk about it.”

 

“I know. It sucked. I hate caves now.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Bucky, focusing entirely on Tony because the billionaire was trembling ever so slightly with fear. It was clear that Tony was not okay with anything that had happened in the last few minutes, the nightmare, Bucky’s moments of regression into Winter Soldier mode that left a bruise on the arm he had been gripping, talking about his time in captivity. But he was still talking.

 

“Because you had a nightmare and you’re supposed to distract people who have nightmares.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me about it until you’re ready,” said Bucky.

 

“I also don’t like water,” continued Tony quickly. “You need to know that because Pepper used to get so pissed when I would refuse to get in the bath with her. It’s not because I didn’t love her, I just can’t do standing water. I’ve gotten better at other water – I still hate it hitting my head but showering is required in proper society, so I’ve learned to deal. But I, if you want to take a bath, you can’t have me join you, okay?”

 

“Okay,” said Bucky. “I don’t like most chairs unless they are against the wall. Every time I sat in a chair they wiped my mind again.”

 

“I don’t like the cold,” said Steve, proving that he was awake. “I’m afraid I’ll never wake up if I go to sleep cold.”

 

“We’re all basket cases,” giggled Tony.

 

“Oh well,” said Steve. “At least we can be basket cases together.”

 

The call to assemble sounded, drowning out their soft laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't decide what Steve should call Tony. 
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	19. Lacking

Tony did not appreciate them leaving but he didn’t ask them to stay either. Sitting up on the couch, Light Brigade curled up on the floor in front of him, he watched the team – his family – get ready to go out and save the world again. He wanted to go with them, to help, but physically he couldn’t join, and that killed him a little bit inside.

“We’ll be back soon,” said Steve, leaning down and kissing Tony’s cheek before pulling down the cowl of his uniform. “Be good.”

“Don’t blow the place up,” said Bucky, who had more realistic expectations of Tony.

“Don’t die,” said Tony in reply.

Watching the two super soldiers walk out the door was one of the most difficult things Tony had ever had to do, and he had done some pretty difficult things in his life. Somehow, this fight was different from every other fight. This time Tony wasn’t joining them because he couldn’t, not because he was out of town or at a meeting. This time there would be no one there to have their back, no one to make the split second choices that required a metal suit to accomplish. This time he wasn’t there to make the self-sacrificing maneuvers so the others wouldn’t have to.

JARVIS pulled up the newsfeed, displaying every channel that was covering it. They were fighting robots that looked like spiders but had fewer legs and no eyes. 

As the battle wore on, Light Brigade jumped onto the couch and Tony hugged the dog close, needing the contact to combat the panic attack that was trying to get him.

“Shit,” cursed Tony as yet another beam of light that seemed to explode things crossed too close for comfort to one of his teammates. “JARVIS, I can’t do this. They need me out there.”

“Sir, the protocol you set up is still in place,” replied JARVIS. “You cannot operate the suit until physically cleared by either Dr. Banner or Agent Barton.”

“Fuck the protocol!” yelled Tony. “They’re going to get hurt!”

JARVIS didn’t respond, forcing Tony to sulk in silence. 

He was too far in the open in the living room. There were too many entrances, too many places to block. Making a snap judgment, Tony limped as quickly as possible to Bucky’s room. No one used Bucky’s room anymore since Bucky had moved in with Steve but it was designed for the assassin. To make Bucky feel safe, Tony had programmed the doors to only open to those Bucky had given permission to enter – that was if they could even find the door, which was difficult since it had been disguised to match the rest of the hall wall. Once inside, every possible entrance could be seen from the bed, secret weapons within reach, and more importantly Bucky had the ability to lock himself in if he felt dangerous.

Tony curled up on the bed with Light Brigade and stared at the wall as finally, the panic he had been fighting off since the alarm sounded overcame him.

-Minefields-

“This is taking too long,” complained Clint, firing off another arrow. “I wish Tony was here.”

“Maybe if you spent less time talking and more time blowing up these damn robots we would be finished sooner,” snapped Bucky.

“If you’re not talking about how to end these robots then stop wasting airspace,” said Steve, trying to cut off one of the robots limbs with his shield.

“It would be wise if you finished soon,” said JARVIS in an uncharacteristic show. The AI stayed away from the general comms as a rule, only talking to Tony during battle. 

“What’s wrong with Tony?” said Steve while the others redoubled their efforts to kill the robots.

“Sir is experiencing a severe panic attack,” said JARVIS.

“And he didn’t ban you from calling us?” said Clint, swinging across a building in a way that Tony would have called Tarzan had he been present. “Shit. It must be bad.”

“Indeed,” said JARVIS drily. 

“Do you know what triggered it?” asked Bucky, proving his ability to multitask by questioning the AI, making his way towards the Tower, and firing timed sticky bombs onto the robots as he went.

“It seems to have been triggered by both you and Captain Rogers walking away at the same time. That, along with his watching the news coverage and not being able to assist in protecting you all and the fact that this is the longest he has been separated from either you or Captain Rogers in almost 3 months seems to have made a deadly combination for Sir’s panic attacks.”

“Fucking hell,” groaned Bucky.

“Go Bucky,” said Natasha. “We’ll finish up here. Stop Tony from doing anything stupid.”

“Like flying the suit,” added Clint.

-Minefields-

Bucky found Tony curled up on his old bed, trembling and sobbing while Light Brigade licked desperately at his face. The dog barked when he spotted the super soldier, jumping off the bed and herding Bucky over to his human. Bucky climbed on the bed and pulled Tony into his arms, mindful of the injuries the genius had. He adjusted the warm mass until Tony’s ear was over his heart and then started to hum reassurances.

“I’m right here,” said Bucky, not trying to stop the shaking but instead rocking in time to it, following the lead of Tony’s body in order to coax it back into normal parameters. “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have left you alone. But it’s okay, everyone is fine. Come on back to me, kotenok. You can do it.”

On some level Tony must have heard Bucky or at least recognized his voice, because gradually, painfully, the tremors eased – not stopping entirely but no longer with seizure force. Bucky continued to hum encouragements, praising Tony’s efforts and drawing the genius back to reality with his consistent rocking and steady heartbeat.

“Good job,” praised Bucky in a way that was not condescending. “You back with me, kotenok?”

“Not a kitten,” slurred Tony, both exhausted and too unsettled to rest, the anxiety hovering just beyond the surface, ready to take over again if he let it.

“Sure you’re not,” said Bucky, too relieved to have Tony responding to him to argue. It had been terrifying to see him like that and know there was nothing he could do; he couldn’t protect Tony from his mind.

“Where’s Steve?” asked Tony several minutes later, when he was certain he could keep his voice from breaking.

“He’s on his way,” assured Bucky. “I came ahead of everyone. You know how I hate clean up.”

It proved just how out of it Tony was when the genius merely hummed in agreement instead of pushing the issue.

For almost an hour the pair sat on the bed in silence, Light Brigade alternately sniffing Tony’s face and watching the door for intruders.

“Guys,” panted Clint, skidding into the room looking a mess. “You have to come. It’s Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You, my dear readers, are brilliant!! To those who said, "Go for the Gaelic!" you are brilliant people who have saved me from my most unromantic self. You win at life!
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	20. Just a Bed

The room was cold in a way that had nothing to do with temperature – though Tony was pretty sure the temperature was set impossibly low as well. Clint had explained to Tony and Bucky what happened as they ran to medical, something about a rogue robot that attacked after the battle was over, a falling building, other details that Tony tuned out because the only thing that mattered was the fact that Steve was hurt and he hadn’t been there to stop it. Not only had he not been there to stop it but neither had Bucky because Bucky had been with him when he should have been with Steve.

The bed looked tiny with Steve’s large frame crammed onto it. Tony was fairly certain that hospital beds were supposed to make people look smaller than they were, that they had some sort of TARDIS like magic that made them bigger than they were.

“The bed’s too small,” said Tony, moving to the door. “Can’t someone find us a bigger bed? Steve doesn’t fit on that.”

“It’s fine,” said Bucky tightly. “Sit down before you hurt yourself.”

“It is not fine!” snapped Tony. “Steve’s hurt and he deserves a fucking bed that he can actually be comfortable in, not this fucking fairy sized shit!”

“Tony, I will go see about getting Steve a bigger bed,” said Natasha. “Please, sit down. You’re only making your own injuries worse.”

Tony glared at the red headed assassin as she went on her mission to procure a larger bed. He legs were shaking, his limp more pronounced, his arm was throbbing in time with his ribs but he couldn’t just give up because Steve was still in a too small bed and it was entirely his fault.

“Tony, sit down dammit!” growled Bucky. “The last thing we need right now is you collapsing because you’re two damn stubborn to just sit your ass down. You really think that’s how Steve wants to wake up?”

“If he fucking wakes up!” said Tony, venom dripping from every syllable; he reverted back to his old defenses, knowing he couldn’t physically overpower Bucky if it came down to it and needing to protect himself in some way. “Which he might not do now because I panicked like a little bitch and needed you to come to care of me when Steve needed you more. If I wasn’t such a pussy then we wouldn’t even be in this situation, Barnes! Damn, why can’t you get that through your head?”

“Oh get over yourself,” scoffed Bucky. “You hate yourself so much that you think you’re the only person who can bring about the demise of the world. News flash – you didn’t do this! You didn’t create the battle bots, you didn’t call for help, you didn’t force me to return to the tower. You weren’t even coherent enough to call for help so there’s no way you could have caused this. Steve was getting himself into messes long before this.”

“But you weren’t there because of me! Because I couldn’t keep it together for a few fucking hours! I told you I was going to fuck this up, I just didn’t think I’d do it so badly that I’d get one of you killed. Should have known. Only I could be so pathetic to get my boyfriend fucking killed.”

“Dammit Tony,” sighed Bucky.

Then the super soldier was sweeping Tony into a hug, burying his face in the billionaire’s messy hair. Both of them were shaking and panting. It took several minutes but finally Tony just seemed to drop into Bucky’s hold, clinging to the source of comfort he wasn’t sure he deserved but was unable to deny.

“I’m sorry,” said Tony so quietly that Bucky wasn’t sure he heard it. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get angry. Don’t go. I swear, I’ll be good, I’ll do better. I didn’t mean for Steve to get hurt but please don’t leave me. Please, Bucky. Please.”

“No, no, kotenok,” whispered Bucky, supporting most of Tony’s weight, rubbing his nose just above Tony’s ear. “It’s not your fault. Sh, it’s okay. We’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. Steve’s going to be fine. Calm down. It’s okay.”

Tony shook his head, not ready to hear those words, not ready to forgive himself for snapping at Bucky, still afraid that he was going to lose them both. Bucky moved them to sit on the stolen two seater couch, sitting with Tony more in his lap than out of it, eye’s on Steve’s silent form.

“When I first came back,” said Bucky, not sure if Tony was listening and unsure of it he was talking to Steve, Tony, or just to be talking. “I was terrified. I was scared that I couldn’t be who Steve remembered, I was scared that I would hurt more people, I was scared that I was too broken to lead a normal life. I thought SHIELD was going to take me away and lock me up; I deserved it. Everyone was wary of me, they all acted as if I was going to kill them if they looked me in the eye. It was so hard to wake up every morning knowing that no one trusted me, to not be treated as a human being but as a ticking time bomb.

“Then one day at SHIELD this whirlwind of a man came in, getting in everyone’s personal space, talking too fast, and I thought he was going to be just like everyone else and take one look at me and clam up. But I was wrong. The first thing he said to me was, ‘You’re between me and the coffee, Jack Frost, so move.’ And then he put his hand on my metal arm and gently pushed me to the side. He was the first person to get into my personal space since I returned, the first one to touch my metal arm as if it didn’t bother them. I knew right then that this guy was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.”

“Steve says I have the self-preservation skills of a mayfly,” said Tony softly.

“Turns out you weren’t repulsed by what I had done,” continued Bucky as if Tony hadn’t spoken. “I didn’t find out until later that it was because you got it, you knew what it was like to have the blood of countless people on your hands against your will. You knew what it was like to blame yourself for things you didn’t know about, things you couldn’t stop. I never told you how much those first few weeks meant to me. I have no delusions that you’re the sole reason everyone else adjusted so quickly to me. You treated me like you treat everyone else and people caught on.”

“Steve would have made everyone see reason,” protested Tony.

“He would have convinced them I wasn’t going to kill them, you showed them I was a human being still.”

Tony was saved from responding by Natasha coming back into the room followed by several people in scrubs pushing a larger bed.


	21. It was Never a Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one implies past sexual abuse. Nothing graphic, it's towards the end. Just thought I should warn you.

When Steve woke up it was to the unfamiliar feeling of radiating pain. Ever since the serum, any pain he experienced was more localized, quick and harsh and healing before he had to think about it too much. It was only when he had really gotten in deep that the pain radiated. And if the pain was radiating and the smells around him were anything to go by, then he wasn’t at home.

Sure enough, when he opened his eyes he found himself in one of the medical rooms. A quick glance told him that Clint was guarding the door but his attention was captured by the two men crammed on a two person couch that had been pushed up to rest next to his bed. Bucky was smushed on the seat, his head resting on the armrest, long legs dangling off the other end, for all the world looking like he swallowed the couch while Tony was curled up on his chest, the billionaire’s broken arm laying on bed with Steve while his other hand was gripping Bucky’s shirt. Bucky in turn was hold Tony just as tightly, his metal arm securing the genius in place. Steve had to wonder just how badly he had scared them.

As if sensing his gaze, Bucky opened his eyes and stared up at Steve. The angle was awkward at best and his body ached from his position but Tony was finally sleeping and Steve didn’t require immediate assistance, so Bucky wasn’t about to move.

“You’re an idiot,” whispered Bucky in way of greeting. “And if you ever scare me like that again I will personally have you locked up. Understand?”

“Sorry,” sighed Steve.

“I know, punk,” said Bucky. “Just don’t do it again.”

“I don’t plan on it,” said Steve with an impish grin. “That’s Tony’s job.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but looked down fondly at the man sleeping on top of him.

“So how long am I here?” asked Steve.

“That building would have killed a normal man,” snapped Bucky, unable to keep the fear out of his voice. “It nearly killed you. You’ll be here until Bruce decides you’re going home and then when you’re home you’re going to stay in the fucking bed with Tony while I take care of you idiots.”

“Yes sir,” said Steve, leaning back and closing his eyes. “How was he? He was having a panic attack last I remember.”

“It was scary, Stevie,” admitted Bucky, holding Tony firmly. “I’ve seen him have flashbacks and panic attacks but this was worse. He didn’t recognize anything. I thought he was going to hurt himself and I couldn’t stop it.”

“You brought him back though,” said Steve. “You didn’t leave him to suffer.”

“Of course I didn’t, he was so scared. But then I got him back and he was starting to calm down when Clint came in and told us you were hurt. We yelled at each other. We made up, but there was yelling. He blamed himself for you getting hurt. Because I went to him and I didn’t stay to protect you, he thinks that’s why you got hurt.”

“And you think I got hurt because you left,” surmised Steve.

“If I had been there I could have gotten you out of the way in time.”

“But you don’t blame Tony.”

“No!”

“I don’t blame either of you. Tony needed us. I couldn’t make it to him but you could. It wasn’t a choice between him and me and you guys have to stop thinking it was. I got hurt, it would have happened if you had been there or not. If you had been there then you would have gotten hurt as well, so I’m glad you weren’t, I’m glad you were together.”

Tony whimpered in his sleep, curling up even more.

“Come up here,” said Steve, groaning slightly as he moved over on his large bed to make room.

“It’s okay,” said Bucky, running a hand through Tony’s hair. “You’re injured, I don’t want to hurt you more.”

“Please,” said Steve softly, blue eyes begging. “I just – I need this.”

Understanding what Steve was really asking for, Bucky easily lifted Tony up and climbed onto the oversized hospital bed, effectively sandwiching Tony between them while still keeping most of the billionaires weight. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” said Steve when they were settled, his eyes already closing.

“I know,” said Bucky.

For a long time after the other two dropped off to sleep, Bucky watched the steady rise and fall of each chest, reassured that he hadn’t lost everything once again. It had been close, but they had somehow all pulled through.

“If you guys keep sleeping in the same bed people are going to start talking,” stated Natasha, carrying several cups of coffee into the room. “Stuff like you’re only using Stark for his money, Captain America deserves better, things like that.”

“All of which are lies,” replied Bucky. “We haven’t even had sex, it’s just sleeping.”

Natasha paused, surprised. “I thought Stark would have been all over that by now. He’s been pining for you two for ages, I didn’t expect him to be the waiting type.”

“I don’t really think his last sexual encounter went the best,” said Bucky darkly. “And we haven’t been official all that long. Not that it’s any of your damn business.”

“Relax, no need to get all over protective, I wasn’t trying to be rude. Tony has a reputation and so do you – even if it is from back in the 40’s.”

“If you’re only here to judge our sex life then leave.”

Natasha looked like she wanted to argue but ended up nodding, setting the coffee within reach, and leaving to talk to Clint.

“If you want to have sex-“ began Tony tiredly.

“Shut up,” said Bucky, not unkindly. “It’s not about the sex. For one thing, you and Steve are both injured, so executive order right now stating that there will be none of the sex while one or more party is injured. And secondly, you just got out of a pretty intense relationship. I know I don’t know everything that happened, but I know enough and for that I’m saying we wait until we are all ready.”

“But she’s not wrong,” said Tony. “People are going to start talking.”

“Since when have you, Tony Fucking Stark, cared about who people said you were sleeping with?”

“I don’t, it’s just that normally I’ve earned the talk.”

“I’m not saying I don’t want to,” said Bucky, sensing that Tony was taking the rejection as something more than it was. “Because I do, trust me. I’m saying that I care about you too much to be willing to injure you further. We can revisit the subject when those ribs are healed and the cast is off – and I mean that Bruce approves the cast being off, not you taking it into your own hands and removing it because it itches.”

Tony snorted but butted his head against Bucky’s chest in that insistent way that meant he wanted Bucky to play with his hair. The ex-assassin rolled his eyes but began carding his large hand through the brown locks.

“Go back to sleep, kotenok,” said Bucky, though Tony was already mostly asleep.


	22. Compromise

In many ways Tony was just like the kitten Bucky called him. He was aloof, picky about who he let touch him, cuddly when he was with the right people, and loved getting his hair played with. It was like his drug, and Bucky figured out quickly that very few things settled Tony down faster than messing with his hair. It came in handy when two days after Steve was allowed home and Tony was having one of ‘those’ days.

Steve was well enough to get out of bed for short periods of time – not that Bucky would let that happen. Bucky was more of a mother hen than Steve. Steve took it in stride, years of being small and weak and used to mother hen Bucky making it easy. He secretly liked it and Bucky liked being productive instead of destructive. But Tony was having a day and when he was having one of those days he wanted nothing more than to go hide in the shop away from everyone. However Bucky was having none of that.

“Just stay put, dammit,” growled Bucky after having to drag Tony back to bed for the third time in an hour. “You’re only making that ankle worse.”

“I have things I have to do,” snapped Tony. “You know companies like mine don’t just happen! You have to work to keep them on top.”

“And staying in bed and actually letting your body heal before you work yourself into exhaustion won’t make your company topple,” replied Bucky. “You’ve said it yourself, there are no other companies like yours.”

“That’s not the point! I just – I need – JARVIS?” Tony appealed to his AI, who instantly translated what the genius was trying to say.

“When the Captain is having one of those days he seeks out the gym,” said JARVIS. “You go to the gun range. Sir needs the workshop. It’s safe. Familiar. And quite frankly if you do not stop trying to keep Sir in bed – I will send in Mr. Barton in. As the greatest advocate for Sir’s health and the one who has been keeping Sir alive for the past many years, I can assure you that this is the best way to keep that up.”

“Did you just sick your AI on me?” asked Bucky, looking at Tony shocked.

“No,” replied JARVIS and if the AI could sound smug he would. “Sir wanted me to explain how his company needs his creations. However, Sir often forgets that he designed me to assist him in anything he needs. In this case it is voicing what he won’t, what he needs, and that is to be in his workshop where he feels safe, with the good things he has created.”

Bucky stared at the ceiling while Steve chuckled and Tony cringed, curling into Steve’s side as though he was afraid of how Bucky was going to react to being told off by JARVIS.

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Steve softly, wrapping his arm around Tony and kissing the side of his head. “Promise. In fact, it’s perfect. Trust me. Bucky, you heard JARVIS, we’re going to the workshop.”

Before Bucky could protest properly, Steve was hauling Tony up and they were hobbling their way out of the room. They made it to the door before Bucky wormed his way between them, forcing them both to lean on him, and together they made it to the workshop.

The workshop looked almost exactly as it had before, ordered chaos, but one thing had changed. In the corner where nothing really ever lived, one the ground was a mass of pillows, blankets, and warm fuzzy everything, looking huge and inviting and as if it had always been there.

“What,” stuttered Tony, staring at the mess.

“I know you normally sleep on the couch when you’re tired down here but, um, it’s a little small,” said Steve sheepishly. “You know, for all of us. Or even really two of us if one is on a mission or something. I should have asked but I just, I just thought maybe-“

“What do you mean, the couch is too small for all of us?” said Tony, looking up at Steve, confused. “Why would you need to sleep on it?”

“Well, when you’re working late I thought, I don’t know, I just thought you’d like company,” said Steve, looking very unsure of himself, knowing he very well may have crossed a line, changing something in Tony’s safe place without speaking to him first. 

“Why wouldn’t you sleep in your bed?” asked Tony, leaning against Bucky but still staring at Steve as though he were trying to figure out a particularly difficult problem.

“Because you would be here,” explained Steve. “And when you’re tired you don’t go to bed upstairs, you crash here. So this is where I will be.”

“Yes but – I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t you just tell me to go to bed with you?”

“You have work to do Tony, I understand that. And when you get into the zone it’s hard to get out again. I don’t want to stop you being productive. So I’ll just sleep here.”

“But-“

“We like being around you, a stor,” said Steve. “And we know you like your work. It’s not a competition, we aren’t going to make you choose.”

“Sir, if I may, I think it would be best if you get off of your feet,” said JARVIS.

Bucky brought them both to the makeshift bed where they settled down. It was a comfortable nest, warm, almost better than the bed in Tony’s room, the one he rarely slept in. As soon as they were all in the nest, Tony continued the conversation – after he had put a bit of distance between himself and the super soldiers.

“So let me get this straight,” said Tony. “You made a place to sleep in the workshop because I work late and you’re okay with it, you just want a place to sleep?”

“Yes,” said Steve. “Is that okay?”

Tony thought about it. Steve and Bucky already had access to the workshop so it wasn’t an issue of them being around. And if he was being honest with himself then Tony would admit that he liked the idea of having company on the long nights of working. He enjoyed having them around, liked the questions they asked, how they played with the robots, when they brought him food. But there was a difference between letting them roam around and them staying to night. It was like inviting them into his real life, the one away from the cameras and fights, the one most people associated with their home but Tony connected with his workshop, the place he was most himself.

“Okay,” said Tony. “Yeah, this could work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to the every trustworthy internet, "a stor" means "my treasure" in Gaelic. I think it's cute, mainly because Tony needs someone to call him something that draws attention to his worth, makes him face it. 
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	23. That Talk

At three in the morning Tony woke screaming from a nightmare.

“Stop! Please!” screamed Tony, not fully aware of where he was.

“Tony, you’re safe,” said Steve, instantly coming to awareness. “You’re in the Tower with Bucky and me. We are in the workshop. It’s entirely too early in the morning and you are safe.”

“Fuck,” panted Tony, sitting up, knees bent, head in hand, shaking. 

“You want to talk about it?” asked Steve, sitting up and putting a grounding hand on Tony’s back.

“No,” said Tony, shaking his head and curling more into himself.

“You sure?” asked Steve, waving Bucky back when the other super soldier made to sit up.

“You know those romantic comedies?” said Tony, looking up, suddenly agitated in a new way. “The ones with the same plot? You have your uptight, working, jaded guy who meets the fun, spunky, eccentric girl. They fall in love before having some stupid fight. Then, in the middle of the guys biggest meeting of his career he totally blows it off, quits his job or gets fired or something for blowing it off but he doesn’t care because he runs off to find his girl?”

“Um, yes,” said Steve. “Clint watches those movies all the time. Why?”

“What happens six months later?” demanded Tony. “After they’ve gotten tired of each other and he doesn’t have a job because no one wants to hire the guy who had a psychotic break in the middle of an important meeting? What happens then? They can’t live happily ever after. Not like that. That’s a horrible set up for a relationship. They will be stressed and yelling and fighting about money and it can never work out!”

“Okay,” said Steve slowly. “Tony, I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“I can’t do this,” cried Tony. “We’re going to get six months down the road and you two are going to realize that you were way happier without me and there’s going to be fighting and screaming and you two are so much bigger than me and –“

“Whoa, whoa, a stor,” said Steve soothingly. “Calm down, you’re working yourself into a panic. Breathe. Good job. That’s it, nice and easy.”

Tony took several shuddering breaths under Steve’s instructions.

“Now,” said Steve when he was satisfied that Tony was calm again. “Bucky, I guess we’re having this talk now.”

“Sounds good to me, Stevie,” said Bucky with a yawn, sitting up in the nest of blankets. “I love talks at three in the morning.”

“Tony,” said Steve calmly. “Come here.”

Looking as though he was acting against his better judgment, Tony moved over to settle against Steve, back to chest, between the super soldiers legs. Steve wrapped his arms around Tony’s chest gently, propping up Tony’s aching arm up. For a few minutes no one said anything and eventually Tony relaxed back; Steve looked forward to the day when Tony didn’t tense up at all.

“What are you afraid of?” asked Bucky.

“And don’t lie,” added Steve gently.

“You’ll get mad,” whispered Tony, looking down at where Steve’s hands splayed across his stomach. “I’m afraid you’ll get tired of me working all the time and then you’ll leave or get mad….and when you get mad, you’re both so much bigger than I am. I couldn’t stop you.”

“JARVIS?” said Bucky, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yes?” replied JARVIS.

“If Steve or myself ever show any hint of acting violently towards Tony, will you please inform the nearest Avengers? Even if you just think we may get violent.”

“Of course,” said JARVIS in what sounded like approval.

“And if you do think Bucky or I are going to become violent or abusive in any way, allow any Avenger or really anyone you see fit to enter wherever we are, no matter what has been said,” said Steve.

“Noted,” said JARVIS.

“There,” said Bucky, smiling at Steve and Tony. “Now no matter what, JARVIS has it covered.”

Tony couldn’t say anything. Maybe it shouldn’t, but Tony felt infinitely better knowing that JARVIS was watching and Steve and Bucky couldn’t order him to not say anything to the others. Not only that but that Bucky and Steve made it known that JARVIS should alert someone before anything got violent. And Steve had added in the part about any abuse; Tony couldn’t articulate what that meant to him.

“I think we broke him,” whispered Bucky when the silent stretched on.

“Tony?” asked Steve, looking down at Tony’s hair. “A stor? Are you okay with that? With JARVIS being about to call if he thinks anything is going to happen? Does that make you more comfortable? If not, we can slow everything down. We don’t have to sleep in the same bed if that’s too much. We can go back to you staying in your room and we stay in ours if that’s what you need.”

“No!” yelled Tony, trying to sit upright but being restrained by Steve’s arms. “Don’t leave me. You can’t! You promised.”

“Okay,” said Bucky, shooting a glare at Steve for upsetting Tony again before smiling at the genius. “Good, because I’m not a fan of the idea of you sleeping somewhere else.”

“Thank you,” said Tony. “Thank you.”

“That’s how relationships work,” said Steve, hiding his grin in Tony’s hair. “We take care of each other.”

“Seems like you guys are doing way more taking care of me than I am of you,” said Tony with a pout.

“Right, because giving us a home, your time, attention, and taking the hits with the media is not taking care of us,” said Steve sarcastically.

“Who taught you sarcasm?” demanded Tony, craning his head back to stare at Steve.

“You did,” replied Steve, kissing Tony’s nose.

“Alright saps,” said Bucky with a yawn. “Time to go back to bed.”

“Nope, I think I’ll just go be productive and invent something that changes the world again,” declared Tony, wiggling to get free.

“No, you’re going to go back to sleep.”

“I’d really rather not,” said Tony.

“How about this,” said Steve, leaning further back with Tony still against him. “You don’t have to sleep but Bucky is going to tell us a story and we have to listen to the entire thing.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but obliged.

“The Howling Commandos were making their way past enemy lines yet again,” began Bucky while Steve and Tony closed their eyes. “Steve, being the self-sacrificing idiot that he is…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise a longer chapter next but I wanted to post something fluffy to thank the 1000 readers who left kudos! You are amazing!!
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	24. One Month

One month. They had been together for one entire month and so far Tony had done nothing to screw it up – at least, he didn’t think he had because they were still around. It had been a good month, too. Slowly, Tony found himself relaxing into the relationship. It helped that Steve and Bucky had been his best friends for ages before, so not much had changed between them. There was more hugging and tactile comfort but not a lot more – which for once Tony was perfectly fine with.

“Kotenok,” said Bucky, marching into the workshop in his full uniform, Steve right behind him. “Steve and I have a mission we have to go on.”

“Oh,” said Tony, looking away from his work and giving his boyfriends his full attention. “Okay. Have fun? Yeah, have fun.”

“It’ll only be a week,” assured Steve, wrapping his arms around Tony’s waist from behind while Bucky bracketed them in front. “Then we will be back. Will you be okay?”

“I’m not a child, Steve,” grumbled Tony, not at all sure he would be okay without them for a week and disgusted with himself for being so clingy. “I’ve been fine on my own for several decades, I can survive a week.”

“Of course,” said Bucky, kissing the top of Tony’s head. “We’ll call when we can.”

“Be safe,” said Steve, kissing Tony’s cheek. 

“Don’t blow anything up,” advised Bucky.

“I won’t,” said Tony, forcing a smile on his face because he could do this, he was an adult and he could handle this. “Get going already.”

With whispered ‘I love you’s’ to Tony, the soldiers started out of the shop. They made it to the door before Tony called.

“I was going to get donuts later,” admitted Tony, nerves fluttering in his stomach. “So I um, I might not be home if you call.”

“That’s okay,” said Steve, barely hiding his sadness at the fact that Tony felt like he had to check with them about something as simple as missing a call. “I was planning on calling your cell phone. Will you have that with you?”

Tony nodded. 

“Great!” said Bucky, forcing a smile when all he wanted to do was punch someone – possibly a red head who got them into the situation to begin with. “Then it won’t matter where you are when we call, you’ll still get it. And if not, we’ll just call back.”

Tony nodded again, biting the inside of his cheek while Bucky and Steve walked away. He knew he was being stupid, it had been a good month and Bucky and Steve had assured him that it didn’t matter to them if he missed a call, but he still felt antsy. It was like his mind couldn’t settle on any one topic long enough to be productive. He spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the next few days working on a hundred little projects, each for no longer than five minutes before he had to switch to something different.

JARVIS was a saint, never once commenting on the anxiety Tony was fairly certain was visibly oozing off of him and simply switching from task to task, saving the progress of each before he did. When Steve or Bucky called, JARVIS answered and pulled them onto whichever screen was in front of Tony at the moment, forcing the genius out of his own mind for brief increments. It wasn’t until the fourth day that Tony finally got around to going out for those donuts.

The weather was cool but not yet raining, so Tony opted to walk the few blocks to his favorite donut shop. It was his favorite because they – unlike most donut shops – were open 24 hours a day, which meant that whenever he wanted the genius could get fresh donuts. 

The shop wasn’t crowded, just a few men sitting at one of the seven worn tables, and absolutely no line, which made Tony far happier than it should have.

“What can I get for you?” asked the young girl, Leisal, who worked behind the counter. Her hands were trembling and she kept throwing glances at the men at the table near the door.

“Let’s start with coffee while I make up my mind,” said Tony with an easy smile, hoping to put Leisal at ease. He liked the girl, she was friendly and helpful and always got his coffee just right even though he had only told her the first time how he wanted it.

Leisal poured the fresh pot of coffee into a large paper cup, the brew sloshing slightly down the sides as she did. Then she added a hint of cream and far more sugar than most people would put, then scribbled on the side of the cup, labeling it, and handed it to Tony. Tony took the cup and brought it to his lips, his eyes scanning the messy scrawl on the side as he did.

‘The men are here for you. Guns. Sorry.’

Tony smiled, set down his coffee, and handed Leisal his credit card.

“How about you get me a two glazed donuts and then run to the back and get all the day old donuts I know you store back there. I want to bring them to the park.”

“Okay,” whispered Leisal, her voice shaking.

The moment she disappeared into the back, Tony turned and walked over to the men, one of whom had stood up and blocked the door.

“Well, fellas,” said Tony. “What do you want with me?”

Another man stood up, swiftly stabbing Tony in the leg with a dart as he did. Whatever was in the dart acted fast, searing pain spreading throughout Tony’s body, causing him to collapse half on the table. He was powerless to do more than whine as the men manhandled him out and into their van. As they sped away, Leisal ran outside, reciting the make, model, and plate numbers over the phone to the number on the card Tony had slipped her with his credit card.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the point that the entire story has been working towards. We should have two, maybe three chapters left before the end! 
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	25. On the Edge

They hadn’t strapped him down, for which he was grateful but also a bit insulted by because did they really think he wasn’t a threat or were they just that stupid? Either way, Tony inspected the room he was in when he came to. It was a basic room, perfectly square, twelve feet by twelve feet, grey concrete walls and matching floor, a metal table, no chair, no cameras, no windows. The only thing Tony was missing was his suit jacket and the cast that had been almost ready to come off; Bruce was going to kill him for removing it early but he wasn’t really the one who broke it off, so the genius hoped that would be taken into consideration.

After inspecting the door, Tony realized that his wallet was still in his back pocket, so he slipped a card out and slid it through the gap in the door, smiling when the door popped open with a slight click.

“Now, what are we working with?” asked Tony, slipping out of the room and into an empty hall. “Are you kidding me? I don’t even get a guard? What bull shit kidnapping is this?”

As he crept down the hall, Tony made a point of peering into every single room he passed, both to gather his baring’s, possible weapons, and to be annoying. He found very little of interest but he did decide that he was being kept at an old insane asylum. It was oddly comforting, being able to mentally check that off his list of places he’s woken up. Then he found an occupied room.

Steve was lying on one of the metal tables in the room, completely still, eyes closed, with an IV running out of his arm, attached to a bag that was dripping some yellowish liquid into his body. Bucky was standing in the corner, looking right at Tony with a blank stare, as if not really seeing the inventor. Tony wasted no time rushing into the room and to Steve’s side.

“Steve?” said Tony, mildly panicked, yanking the needle out with little care, just knowing he had to get it out so that Steve could wake up and stop being still.

Before he could do anything else though, Tony found himself being yanked away from Steve, a metal arm around his right, squeezing tightly enough that Tony physically felt his radius and ulna touch a second before both snapped, sending a searing pain though his body.

“Bucky, stop,” cried Tony, gasping and fighting back both tears and panic. This could not be happening, Bucky promised, he wasn’t hurting Tony on purpose. “You’re hurting me, Bucky please! We have to help Steve!”

But Bucky wasn’t looking at Tony with that playful smirk, his eyes twinkling in mischief and humor. Bucky was glaring blankly at Tony, all Winter Soldier and deadly assassin, no hint of boyfriend at all.

“No,” growled Tony, more to himself than to Bucky, stomping down on the fear that wanted to bubble up inside of him as Bucky’s metal arm yanked his broken arm to the side. “Fuck that shit. James Buchanan Barnes you snap out of this Winter Soldier mode this instant.”

“Who?” said Bucky, eyes narrowing dangerously, promising death if Tony spoke again – which was fine because Tony never could resist a challenge.

“You, asshole,” said Tony, stepping into Bucky’s personal circle, ignoring everything in his mind and body that begged him to flee the threat. “You’re not the Winter Soldier, you’re Bucky Barnes. You followed Steve home one day and if I wasn’t scared of you then I sure as hell am not going to be scared of you now. Because whoever did this may see you as a weapon, as the badass assassin you were for decades but honestly all I see is my dork of a boyfriend who wears Captain America boxers, wrestles with Light Brigade, and makes me pancakes every single time I’m having a hard time not drinking. And I’m sorry but there’s nothing less terrifying than a man in an apron making me pancakes.”

It took a moment but Bucky finally blinked, his eyes clearing and finally seeing Tony.

“Tony?” said Bucky, confusion lacing his tone.

“Oh thank god,” said Tony, closing his eyes for a moment and leaning his head on Bucky’s chest. 

“What happened?”

“I’m assuming you were taken by the same idiots who took me and they somehow got you to revert back to Winter Soldier mode,” said Tony, not yet moving away from his boyfriend, stealing as much comfort from the soldier muscles and easy scent as he could before he had to return to reality. “Steve’s out. I don’t know what they were giving him but I got the IV out, so maybe he can wake up now.”

“What?” said Bucky, still confused. “Wait, where did they get you?”

“When I was out getting donuts they took me. Leisal called Coulson I think – I hope, I gave her his number – and my wallet has a tracer, so we shouldn’t be here too much longer, but can we go home now? I don’t want to wait for them to storm the castle, I just want to go and have Bruce yell at me while he fixes my arm again.”

“What happened to your arm?”

Bucky pulled away and took in Tony’s mangled limb, still clutched firmly in his metal arm, and blanched.

“Shit,” said Bucky faintly, stepping away from Tony, repulsed and terrified with himself. “Tony –“

“Bucky, bambola,” said Tony softly, stumbling at the sudden loss of contact, remaining standing only because Bucky caught him. 

“I’m so sorry,” said Bucky, tears in his eyes. “I’m – I can’t – Tony.”

“It’s okay,” said Tony, left hand twisting in Bucky’s shirt. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t see me.”

“I broke your arm!”

“Bucky?” came Steve’s groggy voice from behind the soldier. “What’s going on?”

Bucky helped Tony over to where Steve was struggling to sit up, lifting the genius onto the metal table and helping Steve find a seated position, still looking for all the world like he had just murdered all the puppies and baby dolphins in one fell swoop.

“I don’t know about you two but I got kidnapped getting donuts,” said Tony, holding his right arm protectively against his chest, his left still tangled in Bucky’s shirt and refusing to let go for fear that the soldier would move away again. “That’s why I’m here.”

“You,” said Steve slowly, thinking it over in his head, sorting through the events that lead to him waking up on a metal table. “You were kidnapped. Coulson got a call. We were almost home, we finished early and wanted to surprise you but then we rushed here ahead of everyone. It was a trap. They wanted the serum, you were their leverage to get us to make a mistake and get caught.”

“Okay, that makes sense,” said Tony, nodding along. “I’m also offended that they didn’t kidnap me for more than bait.”

“Steve, I broke his arm,” said Bucky quickly, as if he needed his long time best friend to know so he could properly punish Bucky since Tony seemed unwilling to do so. “I – he was trying to help you and I broke his arm.”

“They got him to revert back to the Winter Soldier,” explained Tony softly. “You didn’t mean to. Please, can we have this conversation anywhere but here?”

Steve nodded and stood up, swaying for only a moment before settling. He put a bracing hand on Bucky’s shoulder but the other man refused to meet his eye.

“Steve, you good to go?” asked Tony.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” said Steve.

“Bucky?” said Tony softly. “Can you help me? I don’t know what they gave me, but it’s not out of my system and I really don’t think I can make it all the way out on my own.”

It was only partially true; he wasn’t positive he could make it out without aid but he asked for Bucky specifically because he knew the soldier didn’t trust himself after his Winter Soldier episode. They both needed the reassurance and by putting Bucky in charge of him and not the fighting that would inevitably happen, it gave them both an out.

With a shaky nod, Bucky wrapped an arm around Tony’s waist, hoisting the smaller man up and half carrying, half dragging him out of the room behind Steve, their individual trembling bleeding over to the other until it was impossible to say who was holding who up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bambola is Italian for "doll". At least, it is according to the trusty internet. Sorry folks, I'm fluent in English, Sarcasm, and American Sign Language, nothing else.
> 
> The story is ALMOST FINISHED! It certainly has outgrown the "Avengers Shorts" category but....you know, things happen. I'll try to keep the rest of the stories shorter.
> 
> Also, I take requests, just leave them in a comment and I'll do my best.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	26. Storms

Even before Pepper, Tony had not been the type of person to hold onto something new for very long. Most people he just wrote off as another failed attempt at humanity and then they were gone. The Avengers had been the first people in years to break through his protective walls and even then it took months before Tony quick waiting for a moment to bolt. After Pepper, when he had fallen so hard because he had dropped his guard around her, he quit trying to bolt altogether, simply resigning himself to deserving any pain he received. But the Avengers went out of their way to be there for him in ways that no one else had and Steve and Bucky most of all. So hobbling through the halls with a broken arm courtesy of one of his boyfriends was not at all what Tony had been expecting but also something he couldn’t find it in his soul to fight – not when his entire being was arguing that he deserved it.

No one spoke when Steve killed the only man standing in their way of freedom. He didn’t aim to hurt or maim, he simply snapped his neck when the man pointed a gun at Bucky. And then he helped Tony and Bucky step over the body and proceeded to lead the way out.

No one spoke when Tony simply submitted to the surgery to reset his arm when medical insisted it happen.

No one spoke when Tony woke up in the recovery room and only Steve was there.

No one spoke when Steve signed Tony out against medical advise and brought him home.

However, the silence broke when Tony walked into the bedroom he shared with Bucky and Steve and Bucky was still not present.

“He’s gone because of me, isn’t he?” asked Tony, curling into the corner of the navy blue couch instead of on the inviting bed, Light Brigade sitting directly in front of him.

“He’ll come back,” said Steve tiredly. “He’s scared.”

“I can go,” said Tony softly. “If that would make him come back, I can leave.”

“No,” said Steve, rubbing his face with his hand. “This is not your fault.”

“But I can still go,” said Tony.

“That wouldn’t make it better.”

“Then how do I fix this?”

Steve paused, thinking over Tony’s words for what they meant, not what they were. Tony wanted to fix it, he wasn’t trying to run away. He was scared, Steve could see that clearly enough, but he wasn’t trying to bolt, he was trying to make it better. And he wasn’t scared of Bucky, he was scared of losing them because of what had happened.

“JARVIS, where is Bucky right now?” asked Steve, looking at the ceiling in a way that Tony would normally tease him for.

“Master Barnes is currently locked in Sir’s workshop,” replied JARVIS. “He seems distressed.”

Tony rose and stumbled, still weak from the surgery. Steve, caught him and together they went to the workshop. Warmth spread through Tony’s chest at the knowledge that Bucky sought out his safe place when distressed. When they entered they found their missing super soldier sitting in the corner on their nest of blankets and cushions, head on knees, back to the wall, hands tugging at his brown locks violently.

The moment he was close enough, Tony sat down and leaned into Bucky’s side, not saying a word, just plastering as much of his body against the assassin as he physically was able. Steve sat in front of them and just watched, waiting for something to happen.

“I’m so sorry,” whispered Bucky brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Can we just pretend this never happened?” asked Tony.

“No!” snapped Bucky, sitting up at glaring at Tony, though the glare lacked it’s normal heat and instead just looked scared and sad. “We can’t just pretend this never happened! I broke your arm, Tony! I hurt you! I promised I would never do that and then I did! We can’t just pretend that didn’t happen!”

“You weren’t Bucky then!” said Tony. “You were the Winter Soldier!”

“I’m the same person!”

“Sort of like Bruce is the same as the Hulk? Is Bruce responsible for all the damage he does when he turns? All those innocent people who have been hurt because someone manipulated him?”

“No, he can’t help that,” growled Bucky. “This is different.”

“This is no different. Someone manipulated you into reverting back to the Winter Soldier. You are not responsible for that.”

“I hurt you.”

“Then spoil me rotten taking care of me until it’s better! But this wallowing is only going to hurt me more. Because the more you wallow, that longer you stay away, the more I think that it’s my fault and the more I think I’m the reason why you’re not there. And that’s only hurting me more.”

“Tony.”

“He’s right,” said Steve softly. “You want to make it up to him, spoil him, let him work when he should be resting, sneak him extra coffee, by him those frilly iced coffee drinks he loves so much, but don’t shut us out.”

Bucky looked at Steve and Tony in disbelief. But there was nothing there to make him flounder, both the man out of time and genius looked back steadily, waiting for him to let them back in.

“I’m sorry,” said Bucky again, needing them to know that he was sorry.

“I forgive you,” said Tony simply.

It wasn’t the end of it, they all knew there would be nightmares and tension and it would take time, but that simple forgiveness from Tony seemed to settle the matter for the moment.

“So if we’re all good for now,” said Tony, nodding his head, his breathing hitching slightly. “Then I’m just going to – to panic for a second.”

That was all the warning that the soldiers had before the hard fought composure Tony had been clinging to for hours fell apart in the form of an all-consuming anxiety attack. 

Bucky pulled Tony into his lap while Steve scooted closer in the front, forming a safe little space for Tony against the rest of the world, sheltering him as together they rode out the emotions that were too much to process. It didn’t matter how long they sat there – it could have been minutes, hours, or days – but eventually, the attack passed and they were still together; it seemed a fitting way to represent their relationship, a whirlwind of emotion that was encompassing and overwhelming and yet no matter what storm they found themselves in (an outside force or one of their own making), at the end they were still together, clinging and perhaps scarred but together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Scavenge4Dreams, who commented on another story of mine about this one and though they don't know it, I'm a huge fan of their work and it made my day.
> 
> Next chapter is it - the last one.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


	27. Sounds Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else think that AO3 should have a convention somewhere like Kansas? Fandoms could have their own sections, you could meet up with fellows fans. Idk, food for thought.

Tony often felt like the final pirate standing at the party, wondering why the rum was gone, but in this case the party was his life and the rum was his coffee and the bastard that had taken the last cup was an archer who looked nothing like their pirate boss. Acting like the mature adult he was, Tony whimpered pathetically and laid his head down on the cold marble of the kitchen island in defeat, looking for all the world like it was the end of the world and there was no point in fighting it.

“Aw, look at the little genius,” teased Clint, safely on the other side of the island with his full cup of coffee. “Poor little guy, what’s the matter? Did you not get your coffee?”

“Jokes on you,” said Bucky, walking into the kitchen and depositing a steaming mug of coffee in front of Tony, who wearily raised his head to inspect the beverage for some type of trick. “I switched all the kitchen coffee to decaf this morning because I knew this would happen.”

“Decaf?” whispered Tony, looking personally offended at the cup in front of him, as though Bucky was intentionally trying to poison him. “But….I thought you loved me…”

“That’s coffee I just made in the workshop,” assured Bucky quickly, shooting a smirk at Clint who was coughing and spluttering around his decaffeinated drink. “It’s regular, don’t worry. I just got tired of Clint being annoying and drinking twelve cups of coffee just so you couldn’t have any of the first batch.”

“Hey!” whined Clint.

Tony looked up at Bucky and Bucky was fairly convinced the genius thought he hung the moon. Then Steve walked in without a shirt, chest still damp from his morning shower, and Bucky knew for certain that Tony thought Steve walked on water by the look he was giving him.

“When are you going to stop spoiling Tony?” grumbled Clint. “It’s no fun messing with him if you just mess with me back.”

“But I’m crippled,” said Tony, looking more awake, waving his casted arm more than he should. “You can’t mess with a cripple, it’s not fair. Bucky, Clint’s making faces! Make him stop!”

“Sorry, kotenok, that’s just how Clint looks,” said Bucky with a laugh.

“You guys disgust me,” said Clint, fondness clear in his tone. “I’ll see you later.”

Clint left the kitchen just as Steve brought out a fresh box of donuts that he had hidden in the oven. If it was possible for Tony to look even more pleased, he would have. 

“You got donuts!” said Tony, grinning up at Steve in wonder. “I love donuts!”

“I know,” said Steve with a smile, pecking Tony’s cheek.

While Tony babbled on about donuts and coffee and the best boyfriends ever, Steve shot Bucky a look. Bucky shook his head, not wanting to talk about it yet. They both knew that tonight was going to be a task on all of them and with Bucky’s latest remission to the Winter Soldier barely a week in the past, Steve wanted to be sure that they were all on the same page about the coming evening, Bucky willing to talk or not.

“So about tonight,” said Tony, coming up for air when he had finished his third donut and was all out of coffee.

“What about it?” asked Steve, surprised that Tony was the one brining it up.

“You don’t have to go, Bucky,” said Tony, looking at the ex-assassin next to him. “I know you hate these things anyway and if you’re not comfortable going tonight, I don’t mind. You can stay home and mess with Clint more.”

“I’m going,” said Bucky firmly. “I don’t need you guys treating me with kid gloves.”

“We’re not treating you with kid gloves, Buck, we just want you to be comfortable,” said Steve. “And you hate crowds.”

“Do you not want me there?” said Bucky, ignoring Steve completely.

“Are you kidding?” said Tony, glaring at Bucky. “Fine. Whatever. Go. I just wanted to be nice, give you an out, but if you’re going to be an asshole about it then whatever. I’m going to the workshop.”

Tony got up to leave but Bucky stopped him, his eyes softening at the genius’s ire.

“I’m sorry,” said Bucky softly. “I didn’t mean it to come off that way. I’m just on edge right now. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“I – wait,” said Tony, blinking rapidly, pointing at Bucky, then Steve, then Bucky again. “You’re apologizing to me? I’m the one who got pissy, called you an asshole, and tried to storm off. You were actually being reasonable. I was pushing. I was pushing to see what would happen because that’s what I do. I want to know what you’re breaking point is so I can avoid it in the future. I was being an asshole and you’re apologizing? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Why?”

“Because you weren’t wrong! I was! You’re supposed to be mad at me. You’re supposed to yell at me, tell me how stupid I’m being, not apologize!”

“But that’s not how this works,” said Bucky with a small smile. “That’s not how we relationship, kotenok.”

“He’s not wrong,” said Steve, coming around the chairs and standing next to the other men. 

“But he wasn’t being unreasonable,” insisted Tony. “I’m the one who has to apologize. Always. Those are the rules.”

“No,” said Bucky. “The rules are that when you’re in this relationship, you’re in it til the end of the line. And saying sorry doesn’t mean that you were wrong, it means you care more about the other person than being right.”

For a long time Tony stood there mulling those words over, comparing them to past experiences and found them to be troublingly true. When he was with Pepper he had always cared more for her than being right, which was why he always apologized.

“I don’t want to be like her,” whispered Tony, more to himself than the others.

“You’re nothing like her,” assured Steve, kissing first one unruly mop of brown hair and then the other. “Bucky’s right.”

“So, party tonight,” said Bucky, breaking the gathering awkward vibes. “We’re going, got it? The three of us. And Tony is going to whine beforehand about how he can’t tie his shoes with one arm –“

“Hey!” protested Tony.

“And Bucky will immediately tie Tony’s shoes for him,” replied Steve with a grin.

“And Steve will groan when we get home about how much he felt like a dancing monkey,” quipped Tony.

“And Tony will suggest that Steve just wear a tutu next time,” said Bucky.

“And Bucky will sulk all evening at the party because he would rather be at home,” said Steve.

“And then we will all go to bed together,” said Steve. “Sounds perfect.”

Tony couldn’t help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over!!!!!
> 
> I'm rather sad to see this story end. What started out as a way to explore some new topics turned into one of my favorite stories to write. Thank you to everyone who has supported this story from beginning to end. I hope you enjoyed it - after all, the making other people happy is the point to sharing stories.
> 
> I take requests (just leave them in the comments), and until next time, bye!
> 
> Always,  
> Ari

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spin off of "Break Up", though you don't need to read it for it to make sense. To be continued.


End file.
